Love and War(Urban Fiction) 4

Chapter 27-Depression

Ethan at the top 😘

Jordynn

He didn't make it.

They let me out of the hospital two days later but Jade had to stay. I go up there everyday tho. I didn't want to have a funeral for Jaden. Just a small get together. Ethan wanted to be the one to dig his grave. And he did. I watched him cry so hard as he dug his grave. Even after he was done he sat there and cried.

Believe it or not, I still haven't held jade. I don't know why but I just can't bring myself to hold her yet. I haven't even held her hand but I still go up there to check on her. I just get scared and back away when someone tries to give her to me. I feel like it's my fault that Jaden didn't make it.

I asked for a baby and that's what I got. "A" baby. I wasn't good enough for two.

"Come on baby." I said to Ethan as I sniffed and wiped my tears. I got off the ground but he still sat there with his legs dangling in the grave.

"What did I do to deserve this. Is this my karma for hurting you? Trying to hurt your family?" He sniffed. "It's my fault man."

"It's mine baby. I don't know what I did wrong but it was my fault. Blame me." I said.

"It's not your fault bab-"

"IT IS!!!! IT IS MY FAULT!!!!! I DIDNT DESERVE TO HAVE TWINS!!! IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR TWO BABIES!!! ITS ALL MY FAULT!!!!" He stood up coming to me and hugging me. "I'm sorry Ethan."

"Jordynn you have nothing to be sorry about."

"It's my fault." I croaked out in a whisper sliding to the ground out of his arms. He sat on the ground with me between his legs.

"It's ok baby I promise."

*****

The Next Day

It was the day of my son jadens funeral or get together. Never would I ever thought that I would ever burry my child. It's so heart breaking. We were all sitting around the grave site starring at his casket. Everyone telling me how proud they are of me.

"Baby I know how you feel." Mama started. "I know trust me. It is the worst feeling in the world. Do. Not. Blame yourself for this." She said sternly. "This is not your fault. God had plans for him in another life so please don't beat yourself up over this."

I nodded. "Listen to her baby." Daddy said. "You are going to make things harder on yourself and you need to be healthy so you can take care of that princess you have."

"I will daddy." I sniffed.

"Jordynn you know we will always be here for you. No matter what." Ariel said holding amari.

"I know."

"Our kids are your kids." Alaina said. "You still have your beautiful baby girl and Jaden is in your heart."

"Be strong for her E." King said holding Queen. "She needs you bad." Tianna nodded.

"I gotchu." He said through a hoarse voice.

"You know we got your back man." Jaceon said.

"Fasho." Xavier said.

He nodded and my dad rubbed his shoulder.

King, Jaceon, Xavier, and Ethan got up to lower his casket. As they lowered it Ethan cried harder. My mom held me as I watched them put my baby in the ground. I started to shake uncontrollably and my dad picked me up sitting in his seat and held me like I was still his five year old daughter.