The Flares

I'm Truly A Monster

THE JOURNEY BACK was exceedingly easier under the watchful eye of the dying sun as it beat down on the earth in an intensely heated manner. Dawn had just about folded to a close and already the temperature was exceptionally unbearable.

I had hoped more than anything that the girls hadn't awoken to my absence and left, thinking I'd abandoned them. The backpack was grueling to carry through the heat, and I held onto the sliver of hope that they stayed for me; it was the only thing keeping me walking by this point. I kept swinging my club as I marched on, getting some good practise in. With the backpack restricting my agility, I'd be at a strong disadvantage if a Snapper caught sight of me. I occupied my time by examining the stores that I passed, looking for any that might be of use to me. They were densely packed and had quite a bit of space between them. The stores were either unhelpful or I found myself unable to see into them, as a few of the glass windows were covered from top to bottom in a layer of dust that obscured my view, and I didn't have the time to search any of them.

I kept my practise on. Left. Right. Left. Right. I paused my swing when two bodies in an alley grabbed my attention. One sat slumped against the filthy, paint torn brick wall and the other laid flat on the floor. The one on the floor laid in a pool of murky blood and had its head bashed in; its body basically began at its open neck. A brick laid beside it, stained by blood as well. The body against the wall wasn't splattered in blood, but it was clearly in rough shape. It's shirt was torn and I could see the cuts from here as they moved slowly. I did a double take, and only after squinting at it and staring thoroughly did I realise that the body was still breathing, and its flesh wasn't grey and surfaced with veins.

I dragged the club against the concrete below as I approached the body, stopping at a distance from it but close enough to get a good view. It was a man. I found it hard to depict his features, since his face had dropped and was stained with tiny bullets of blood. His body was lazily placed against the wall, completely immobile and weak in its defeat. If I wasn't able to visualise what my soul must look like before now, I have a pretty good picture.

I was questioning how to go about asking what the situation was, and my options ranged from jabbing his chest gently with my club, kneeling down and shaking him, or just greeting with a simple hey, though he made the decision for me when he let out a blood soaked and broken cough, not bothering to do so into his fist, and slowly turned his head towards me.

"It put up quite a fight. Hey, you wouldn't happen to have a cigarette on you, would ya?" He gave me a weak smile with his mouth closed, and I imagined what it would be like had he displayed his blood stained teeth instead. I shook my head, and his smile broadened. There was clearly no delight found in my answer, but I guess he was keeping a positive attitude given the situation.

"Darn. Was kinda hoping to get a good smoke in." His head slowly turned away from me, like that was it and there was nothing left to be said.

"Are you alright?" Leave it to me to ask a stupid question, but to be frank, I had no idea what else to go with. "You look like you've seen hell. I've got some bandages and antiseptic in my backgack. Maybe I could. . ." "Don't bother." He abruptly cut me off. "Won't do any good." He smiled wider as he stared down at the mutilated creature.

"Really, it's no trouble at all." I started again and removed the heavy pack with a great deal of effort. "Its fine, kid. This ain't your fault, so there's no need to feel guilty and help me. There ain't nothing you could do." His voice didn't falter for a second, yet I was afraid that mine might.

He slowly drew a hand to the hem of his torn shirt and raised it to his neck, displaying to me why he didn't want help. He had a huge gush in his stomach that was slowly dripping blood on his side. From the way he sat the deep cut remained closed, but if he were to stand up it would be wide enough for something vital to slip out. There were also four long cuts along his ribs, presumably from a scratching Snapper. He let out another cough and his hand clutched over his side, then he spat out a huge wad of blood onto the floor.

"Inevitable. Ain't no saving me." The absurdly mellow man responded. "It's all inevitable, but you might as well make the most out of what you have left. Just wish I had a smoke, but what can you do."

He turned back to me with that same unbroken smile, a bit more blood glistening on his lower lip as he did so. "If you could give one request to a dying man, it'd be greatly appreciated."

I nodded. I didn't have the guts to talk much to this man. I was too confused to cry, added to the fact that I didn't really know him, but I was too hurt on his behalf to pipe up. He raised a shaky hand and pointed to the ground where my club stood.

"If you could finish what it started, I'd be able to rest at least." Something about his voice changed this time. That smile stayed in place, along with that look of will and determination, but the fear broke through in his voice, and I was reminded of one thing. This person would forever be human. The radiation from the sun turned those who couldn't withstand its effects, and those who didn't change were destined to remain the same. The infection wasn't spread with contact, you were either immune or not.

Asking me to kill him was a task that I just couldn't participate in. Killing the infected was hard enough without the knowledge of what they might be inside, but I knew that this living breathing man felt every emotion that I felt as well, and I couldn't bring myself to kill him.

"Just one swing ought to do it. He already fucked me up enough. You just gotta unplug the life support here." I saw the fear in his eyes. The fear of dying, and pain, and suffering. I felt all those things time and time again, and it was like looking in a mirror. Out features were different in every aspect, yet they seemed mirrored in the dread that they displayed.

"I'm sorry, but I can't." There was no beating around the bush. I simply couldn't bring myself to kill him with a golf club in this dingy alley beside a dead mutant in a pool of blood. I could think of several dignified ways to go, and this simply didn't make the list.

His face dropped at my response, as he'd been hoping for a quick way out and I just wasn't the person to make it happen, so he began to chuckle and coughed again as a result.

"Are you joking? You're not helping Hitler kill a nation of orphaned babies. I'm already fucking dead. I just need you to finish it." I knew he was crying. I didn't need to see the tears that rushed down his cheeks in a thunderously silent stream as they fell into his blood soaked trousers. His trembling voice said it all, and I couldn't bring myself to stay around him. He was right about already being dead. There was no fixing that wound, so I quickly took my bag and began to rush out of the alley.

"If you don't help me, I'm just gonna bash my head against the wall until it's over." He choked out, stopping me dead in my tracks. His words were like a punch in the chest. His situation was a hopeless one, and even though I was able to help him in his last request, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. My jaw clenched and lip trembled as a crystal clear streak ran down my cheek, and I continued to walk away.

"I'm sorry." I called out as I walked out of there, leaving him some time alone with his assailant.

The journey back to the store was long and dreadful as his words replayed over and over in my head. Though, I did smile. I may have felt guilty and his case may have been a hopeless one, but he was a human. He was a living, breathing, non-infected human, and he survived this long. He was the fourth human I came across in the past few days, and that's bound to be a good thing.

When I got to the store I had to knock silently for about ten minutes before Stephanie responded, her face displaying the fact that she had just woken up as she picked up the key and unlocked the door.

She scanned me as she rubbed at her eyes, yawning deeply. "You look like shit. What the hell happened to you?"