Shattered Pieces

I eyed the tattered boxing bag hanging in front of me, swaying almost tauntingly back and forth. I breathed heavily, bouncing on the balls of my feet, I jabbed, right hooked and ducked before ending the short combination with a left uppercut.

I was absolutely exhausted.

But I couldn't stop.

All the racing thoughts that clouded my head were suffocating me to an extent that punching the hell out of this bag was the only thing stopping me from completely loosing control. I knew that if I stopped, I wouldn't be able to keep my powers and feelings in any longer. The anger that was coursing through my veins were my only reason to keep on my feet and moving.

PATHETIC!

ABSOLUTE MESS UP!

Faster and faster I moved, punching, kicking, elbowing, ducking and stepping. Flashes of light blue started to dance along the corners of my vision. The stale air of the abandoned factory building turned "safehouse" dropped in temperature.

STUPID!

The pulse of the music and an enraged mind urged me to push myself harder and harder, my punches and kicks coming faster and faster. Sweat dripped down my already sweat soaked body. The harsh white lights flickered and more blue appeared but my frustration and fury was almost blinding, that I couldn't slow down.

WEAK!

Thoughts and horrors of the previous mission invaded my mind bringing me over the edge of infuriation.

MONSTER!

I let out an furious scream as I delivered the last kick with so much power that the bag flew off the hook and exploded against the wall a couple metres away. The lights overhead exploded, spraying shards of hot glass and shattered against the ground. The music stopped suddenly as the stereo came crashing to the ground.

My pulse was pounding in the silence as I glared intently at the destroyed boxing bag that laid on the ground surrounded by its contents scattered everywhere. Laboured breaths came out in puffs as I tried to regulate my rapid breathing, my gaze moved to the walls of the training room which were covered in ice and frost. Live electricity buzzed from the broken lights above, flashing, the pull of the wild current reaching towards me.

The door was then shoved open, sending shards flying as the person entered the room. Silence came around again and hung heavily as heavy, familiar footsteps approached me slowly.

"(Y/N)." He said softly, his tone sounding calm and almost relieved as he approached slowly. My shoulders heaved as I continued to recover from the lack of oxygen, my eyes flickered to the side, catching a glimpse of Bucky's form standing a couple steps away. "(Y/N)," He repeated.

Four months, I hadn't heard his voice. For four months I hadn't talked or seen him and the others. I wanted to get away, keep them safe. Safe from a monster like me.

"It's not safe here."

(Neither am I but here you are.)

I shook my head, "No, it's not." Tilting my head upwards towards the roof I watched sparks of electricity burst from the open socket , "For you at least."

"It wasn't your fault, you weren't in contro-"

"Exactly, I wasn't in control. I wasn't strong enough to keep them from taking over my mind or keep my powers in check," I interrupted Bucky turning and facing him, tears threatening to fall . "I wasn't strong enough to keep him out."

I couldn't keep my cool and that resulted in a enhanced from HYDRA (that had similar powers like Wanda) taking control of my mind which led to me rampaging and killing not only a few SHIELD agents but nearly Bucky as well. If it hadn't been for Natasha kicking my head into a brick wall, the knife I held to Bucky's throat would have killed him, he would not be standing where he is right now.

"(Y/N), please just listen to me," Bucky stepped closer so that he was within arms length. "That guy was messing with your head and if it weren't for you taking him out he may have killed the hostages and gotten to the others and I as well." He went to brush a strand of hair out of my face but I flinched and took a couple steps back.

"Go, just go." I backed away from Bucky, trying to put more distance between us.

"I won't let you push me away anymore, you don't have to be alone." He said walking forward to stay close.

"Please just stop." I whispered, holding my hands up to stop him coming closer. "You don't understand, I don't want to hurt you again Buck."

"I'm a monster." Tears started to well up in my eyes as I continued to back away.

He frowned but didn't stop trying to decrease the distance between us. "Never (Y/N), never in million years."

Looking into his eyes right then and there, I knew definitely that I couldn't stay. Because as much as I wanted to lay in his arms and forget everything else or explore more in depth with what Bucky and I could become, I couldn't. He didn't deserve to be stuck with someone with a never consistent attitude and always fighting to not lose control. He was already broken with all the horrible stuff HYDRA had put him through he didn't need me to add to his long list of problems. He needed to fix himself before he tried to fix someone who was probably just as broken as him.

I also knew he wouldn't stop as long as he knew where I was. Bucky was like that. One of the many things I loved about him.

This was going to hurt a lot.

I reached in my boot and pulled out the gun I always kept in there for safety precautions. Bucky stopped when he saw me raise and aim it in his direction.

"(Y/N)-" A loud bang rang out, echoing throughout the now colder than ice room. Hot, salty tears fell down my cheeks as Bucky stumbled and fell to the floor.

Walking over to him and kneeling down beside him I began to cry. Caressing his stubbly cheek I stared in to his sad blue eyes as he grunted and stared up at me.

"I'm sorry my love." I whispered, leaning down I kissed his forehead, both his cheeks and finally his lips.

"I didn't think our first kiss would be like this." Chuckling sadly, I pushed the long hair from his pain-filled face.

Placing on last kiss on his cheek, I stood slowly and began to walk away Bucky's body, still crying. Packing up and grabbing the large duffle bag on the floor in the corner I made my way towards the open door and stopped at the doorway.

Turning back I smiled sadly at his body laying on the ground. "We were just two shattered pieces of a mirror that fit but couldn't be mended no matter how hard anyone tried."

Turning away and stepping out the door and out into the world to get lost and never be found again, I changed the settings on my gun from stun to kill once again. Leaving behind my love, my life laying on the ground with shards and pieces that resembled something much like us.