Setting your soul free

My life

I'll tell you my story on how life is for an over-weight person.

I've been struggling with obesity my whole life, and I'm still 18. I was born 4 kilos and have been gaining weight ever since .

I never felt like there's something wrong with me until I started school. Making friends was never easy. I was an outcast, a person who lets people walk all over her because I was raised to have a pure and kind heart. I  was raised on goodness and kindness, on how I should never judge a person on how they look, act, talk, or walk because I don't know them, or their story.

In grade school I was the laughing stock for the kids, and I would always take their teasing and name calling with a light laugh just so I can show them that I wasn't affected, while inside I just felt like dying. It didn't stop there. In middle school, I was still the naive and innocent child that didn't have a backbone. I was bullied not only for my weight, but also of how innocent I was. I didn't have any friends and I never said anything to anyone about it, because I hated talking about how I felt. All the girls were pretty, skinny, and loud while I was overweight, shy, and quiet. They made me their laughing stock while I just sat there and took it with an emotionless mask. I didn't only get bullied in school, but wherever i went people would look at me with large eyes as if they can't believe that i really exist. Also kids name called me saying look how fat she is or look at that girl while whispering and giggling. I ignored it all, but that doesn't mean it didn't affect me. I used to cry myself to sleep because i would always remember their faces and words.

High-school came and i grew a backbone, but that naive part of me was still there. I became loud and a bit crude, but i was still well-mannered. The first year, the girls accepted me and I had a best-friend. Second year came around and that's when things started to fall apart. They didn't approve of my loud behavior , or my crude words, said they became my friends because they didn't want to upset me. And then my beloved best-friend (notice the sarcasm) said that she just can't be my friend anymore without any explanation. I took everything with an emotionless mask and said that i didn't care while inside all i wanted to do was breakdown. Unfortunately, I stayed in the same school because I wasn't able to transfer. In the third year they tried to reconnect with me, saying that they miss me and wanted to put things behind us. I accepted not because i was weak or needed a friend, just to show them that I didn't care, while inside I was hurt and I also had personal problems. After the first semester an old friend of mine that i had cut ties with came to my school and we reconnected. I was happy because I finally thought that I had a best-friend, a person who I can trust and share everything too, because she understood me. How wrong was I! In the middle of fourth year, which was my senior year we stopped being close. She was starting to criticize and judge me, plus mistrusting me with her secrets by accusing me of saying something secretive about her while she just forgot that she herself said it. When she confronted me about it, I told her you were the one who said it, but she didn't believe me. It was like history was repeating itself, even-though I worked on how not to be too crude, but she said I was too vulgar and loud. The loudness was something that i couldn't control because i was born with it.

Anyway senior year ended and I cut ties with everyone, because I learned that they weren't truthful, honest and just people that I don't know how I got along with.

High-school ended and I started searching for a job. Fortunately I found one in a gym as a telemarketer. Although it was great working there, my co-workers were always pushing me to lose weight; keep in mind that I was still self-conscious about my body. Every time i ate chocolate they would reprimand me and remind me that I was dieting. The first two months were amazing. I started working out, while cutting down on my food. In the third month I subscribed into a place where they give you what you should eat, and deliver your meals throughout the day to your house; to teach you what's the right amount and what healthy food you should eat. Everything was going well, I had my job, I was working out and eating healthy; technically everything was almost perfect. But, things took a turn for the worse when in the middle of the month, my boss came to tell me that I will no longer be employed. After that news, I felt my whole world came crashing down. Depression was mh main feeling. Crying was almost an everyday thing for me, until I learned how to numb myself. Six months later and I'm still the same, but my feelings were different, way different than how they used to be.

It was like I had an epiphany and a total change of character.

This is a brief explanation on what I went through. Now I'm going to explain in depths how I felt through every situation.