Pile of Tomorrows

Chapter 1:End of His Song

Chapter 1:

A/N: This fan fiction brings an alternative twist to what happens to the Doctor during regeneration. It begins the last time he sees Rose Tyler before regeneration, so just a warning. This is my first fan fiction, so it might feel a bit under written, but I hope you enjoy! I do not own Doctor Who, BBC does.

~Enjoy,

Valocity

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His hearts crumble to pieces as she walks past him, arms wrapped around her stomach, protecting herself from the new year cold. Sharp pain punches him in the chest, making him moan in pain. He is dying. The Doctor grabs onto the wall. She turns to face him, genuine concern fills her eyes. He missed her so much. Only to see an unfamiliar look in her eyes. Sadness fills his chest as he realizes this is the last time he'll ever see her, and she doesn't even recognize him.

"You alright mate?" she asks with her plummy voice. He missed that sweet, human ring in her speech. She smiles at him with that wicked smile he loves, now doing nothing more than inducing more pain. But this is emotional pain. The pain worst of all. The type of pain the Doctor couldn't handle.

"Yeah," he lies. To Rose, he is just an ordinary drunken stray on the streets of London. All he can do is return her smile.

"Too much to drink?"Rose questions him. Snow blows through her golden hair, still long the way it used to be the day he met her. That's a simple perk of time-travel. And that perk does nothing more that destroy him on the inside. He wants her to know all about his past and her future adventures with him. But that would create a paradox. It hurt. It hurt so much.

"Something like that," he tells her. She stands there in a thin pink sweater, pink and yellow... Just like he remembers her. But this Rose is different, younger. Still just a child. This is when her life was safe and ordinary. A life the Doctor can never have. And never ever will.

I love you, a voice in his head whispers, willing to get out to her.

But he could never say that. For the first time in his life of time travel, it was too late. And that was the biggest agony of all. That he never got to tell her. He could see so much joy in her eyes. If only he could've made her that happy during the little time they had together.

"Maybe it's time you went home," Rose suggests to him. If only he had a home. Yes, Gallifrey has burned up almost a millennia ago, but to the Doctor, home was family. Whoever the Doctor ever could've called family is either dead, has left him, forgot him or simply is unreachable. Each of his companions bettered him, brought him to light. Became his friends. And the solitude drives him insane. Today is the day the Doctor dies. The day his song ends. No one to protect, no one to love, no one to share his brilliant ideas to, no one to help better the world with him. It's the first time in his 907 years, no one in the entire universe needs him.

"Yeah," he agrees. All the Doctor wants to do right now is to go home. His head pounds with every single memory of her. He spent centuries travelling through the galaxies, different moments in time, yet only twice in his entire life has he felt such abysmal despair. The first time, was when he witnessed the death of his entire planet. All the men, women, children. Dead. The complete race of Time Lords wiped out. All except one cowardly man who eradicated entire species to stop a war he could've valiantly fought in like all the war heroes that lost their lives because of him. That day he wasn't the Doctor. He was death itself. His decision is the reason of all the guilt he carries on his shoulders. And from then on he wanted to become a man worthy of the title "the Doctor." But what the Doctor did afterwards, is not enough. Never enough to pay off for all the lives he has taken. Oppenheimer's words, " I am become Death, the destructor of worlds" bounce around in the Doctor's head.