Say Goodbye

15.Messed Up

SHORT SHORT CHAPTER.

Ivan's P.O.V.

You know that excitement you get when it's Christmas morning and you're ready to just tear the wrapping paper off the boxes? That's how I felt when Chrene was awake from the accident. Her blue eyes looked at my green ones and she tried to smile but it made her look even more weak.

"You're awake." I said, relief flowing through me.

"I missed you." Chrene says and I felt my heart want to jump out and do a dance.

"I missed you too." I smiled.

We just stayed like that for a few hours. Smiling at each other like we were kids, watched television and I didn't bother to ask her much about what happened and why she left; I wanted to wait until she got better until I started to question her. I visited my parents twice during the time I spent at the hospital and they still weren't awake but Luke was there the whole time unless he needed a change of clothes or go for a food run.

"Can you take me to the bathroom?" Chrene mumbled.

"What?" I pretended like I didn't hear.

"I need to use the bathroom." She muttered again.

"Huh?" She rolled her eyes in annoyance and I smiled. "I heard you the first time Ballerina."

"But you do know that you have to pee in a tub because you got shot on your leg and you don't want your leg to get stressed." I said, stating the obvious.

"But I don't - " I held my hand out so she would stop talking. I shook my head and pressed the nurse button on the side. After a momentarily beep, the nurse answered us. "Yes?"

"Miss Remidy needs to use the bathroom." I spoke.

"I'll be right in." The nurse answered and less then ten seconds, a young woman in her late twenties came in.

"I hate you Festch." Chrene said through gritted teeth.

"I know you love me." I kiss the tip of her nose and rose to my feet to leave so she could pee in the tub. I looked at the nurse and she smiled at me. I smiled back.

After the lady said I could go back in, I did. Chrene was wearing something very much different from her other hospital gown. This one was a solid pink, that made her dark hair outline her pale face. She gave me a small smile and patted the spot beside her.

"I'm too big for that shit." I grumbled, but walked over anyways.

As soon as I laid beside her, she snuggled her head into my neck and it made me have goosebumps.

"I've missed this." She whispered.

I do too.

I didn't answer her, I just let the silence fill the air and let her heart beat against mine.

"Chrene, why did you go home when I fell asleep the other day?" I asked and stared at the white ceiling above our heads.

I felt her heart beat rapidly against my chest. I know I told myself that I didn't want to ask her this question but I just felt like it really needed to get out. She stayed silent for a good minute then breathed in sharply.

"I can't tell you that." She stated simply and I felt a knife stabbing my chest. 

"Are you saying you don't trust me?"

"Ivan, it's not that simple." She said again and this time, she was totally lying. She, herself was unsure of it too. I could clearly hear it in her voice.

"What's not simple? The fact that you fucking got shot and my parents are in a worse condition than you and here I am, beside you when I should really be with my parents?" Shit, The fucking wrong words came out of my mouth. I immediately regretted it.  "Chrene wait, I-"

"Just fucking leave." She took herself off me and pushed my chest. I let my feet fall to the ground and stood about a good three feet away from her.

"I didn't mean it." She turned the other way so that her back was faced to me.

"I know you don't care about me, nobody does. Can you just please leave and stay with your parents who need you way more than I do?" Her voice croaked at the end and I know she was crying silently. I just looked at the back of her figure. I'm so messed up.

"I do care." I pleaded.

"No you fucking don't. You know, you've hurt me way more than you should've. Back in middle school, I use to cry myself to sleep every night and sometimes I still do; all because of you." Ouch. I was literally messed up.

"Chr-"  She turned around to face me and cut my words.

"I never asked you to stay with me, I never asked you to come find me, I never asked you to care for me." Tears ran down her cheeks and I felt so stupid. So, so, so utterly confused too.

"But I want to, okay!"  I screamed, surprise by my own actions. "I- I think..I..I think I like you or something." There, I said it.

I fucking said it.

I fucking liked her. I fucking like that kiss we had on Christmas.

I fucking like the girl I use to bully back in middle school.

How romantic right?

"Don't bullshit me Ivan." She didn't believe a single word I said. I angrily stomped my way over and cupped her cheeks.

Then...

I crashed our lips together.