So many questions,
So much on my mind
So many answers I can't find
I wish I could turn back the time
***
| Bailey |
Chemotherapy officially sucks. It's been one week since my very first treatment and so far I've been doing okay, besides pretty much sleeping the days away, but it sucks nonetheless. I'm also due to go back for my second treatment today. Aside from getting IV chemo once a week, I also have to take chemo pills twice a day — one with breakfast and one with dinner — everyday. I already dislike the toll it has on me and I've only just started. Thankfully, I haven't started throwing up yet or having any side effects, but I'm sure they'll come with time.
I let out an aggravated groan as mom comes into my room to wake me up. It's currently eleven am; I never sleep this late on a normal basis. Like I said, chemo is already taking its toll.
Not caring about my appearance today, I settle for leggings and an oversized hoodie. I walk downstairs and force myself to eat all the breakfast mom puts on my plate before we head to the hospital. Oh, the joy.
"Ashton keeps asking to talk to you," mom says, glancing at me out of the corner of her eyes before returning her gaze to the road. Here we go.
"And I keep asking you to tell him I have the flu," I say, leaning my head against the window. I don't mean to be rude, but I'm very tired and I seriously can't deal with my mother's guilt trip today.
"Bailey, I told you I will not lie about this," mom says sternly.
"I know, I've heard."
Thankfully, she's just been telling Ashton I don't feel well, because I really haven't been. Even so, her trying to guilt me into telling Ashton about cancer and chemo isn't making my grumpy self feel any better.
"Bailey —"
"Mom," I warn, lifting my head to look at her. She's made it abundantly clear what a horrible person I am because I won't tell Ashton that I'm sick. I feel bad too, and the more I think about it, the less reasonable my reasons for not telling him become. They are valid, but mom, and now Arden as well, are very explicit with their discontentment about the whole situation. I guess the only thing now is that I still can't bear to tell him. I quickly push the thought aside as we pull into the hospital parking lot.
As soon as I walk into the hospital, a weight settles on my shoulder. It's become a scary and depressing place and I've already grown to dislike it here.
We make our way to floor three, aka the cancer treatment floor. I sit down in the waiting room and check my phone while I wait for mom to finish signing me in. The guilt returns when I open my messages and see a few texts from Ashton.
From Ash xx - Hey, heard u feel sick so feel better soon xx
From Ash xx - what're ya up to today?
From Ash xx - why u no respond :(
From Ash xx - r u like dead or something?
I shake my head and roll my eyes. My brother can be so stupid, yet so clingy. I frown as I debate what to tell him, since I'm currently sitting in a hospital awaiting a deadly toxin to be pumped into my veins, but my thoughts are interrupted when a boy who looks to be about my age plops down next to me.
"This seat taken?" He asks, kicking his feet up on the coffee table scattered with various books and health magazines scattered on it. I raise my eyebrows and slip my phone into my pocket, "It is now." He smirks and bites his lip, which I must say, makes him look quite attractive. "Oohh, sassy. I like that in a woman." I scoff in an attempt to hide my giggle as my cheeks turn rosy red. As I take in his appearance, I notice that he has slight bags under his eyes and no hair. Of course, duh Bailey. He is on the cancer treatment floor.
Just as I'm about to introduce myself, my nurse appears and calls me back, so I offer an awkward smile before following Zoey and my mom to an exam room.
I've been told that every week when I come to receive my IV chemo, I'll be taken to an exam room to get a physical before my chemo. They have to make sure I'm strong enough and my counts aren't too low or too high, whatever that means.
Zoey always has a bright smile on her face. I found it reassuring at first, but now I'm starting to get annoyed with her perkiness. I'm just too tired to deal with just about anything at the moment, so I can only imagine how I'll be once the side effects start kicking in.
Zoey takes my vitals, checks my pulse, blood pressure and heart rate alone with many other things and asks how I've been. I answer all her questions and what feels like a lifetime later, I'm finally cleared for chemo. I pass the waiting room and notice the boy I saw earlier isn't there anymore. I scan the few people in the room getting chemo and there's no sign of him here either, which makes me feel a little disappointed. It would have been nice to at least have a somewhat familiar face when coming here. Maybe then it's be a bit more bearable.
I huff as I sit in the chair and Zoey sends me a sympathetic smile as she pricks the needle into my skin. Feeling the tiredness overtake my body, I recline the chair and decide to take a nap. Unfortunately, the only thing on my mind when I close my eyes is Ashton. I try to push the guilt and stress of whether or not I should tell him aside, though unsuccessfully.
Mom seems to sense my stress, so she hums a soothing tune she used to sing to us when we were little and rubs my shoulders.
"I'm sorry about all this, sweetie. But don't worry, everything will be alright. Just get some rest." I nod, starting to calm myself down. I hope she's right.
A/N - Bailey why won't you tell Ashton what's going on smh. I'm sorry I haven't updated, I have exams, ugh. Anyway, I hope you all have an amazing day! Xoxo - Em :)
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Unbroken | Ashton Irwin's Little Sister (COMPLETED)
Fanfiction[COMPLETED] "I'm not going to let this define me, and I'm certainly not going to let it destroy me." In which Ashton's sister is hiding a secret that will change both of their lives.
