Hootenanny

Pain

             Three years ago my grandmother told me, over a facetime, "Don't let them see you hurting, don't let them hear you cry...because if you do...you will stay down their and never touch the sky, it's your fight not theirs". And I try, I really do, to take that advice but its just so hard. I owe my life to youtubers I don't know, who don't know me. I even owe my life to someone who died of a suicide attempt... and that hurts, knowing I can never thank him for keeping me from going down that path...

         I want to hurt, I dont want to wake up to see light... I want to stay in my dreams, with the peace and quiet and perfect zen. Even the hectic battles are still...calm. If I have to wake up, I don't want to dream, I just want the darkness to surround me at night, it suits me. 

          I found out this week that my grandmother... she has cancer. My mom hates her and doesnt care, my dad doesnt know. I cant go visit because my mom wont let me... that face time...was my last. The last time I'll ever see her...hear her voice...have someone there who 1000% understands me and can make me better. Somehow I still had a good day...because of people like Mark, Felix, Sean, Arin, Danny, MattPatt, Matthias, Amanda Fey (and Baby Luna in 11 weeks #BUMPDATE ), Wade, Bob, LDShadowlady, iHascupcake, Red, Joel.......and most of all probably.....no shockingly....SuperSiyanPaul! 

               So thank you...you and everyone who has ever been their for me...please...please, I beg you, pray for my grandmother...Nana and Papa....please.