The Leave Me Aloners

-Ya know the I wanna die phase-

THIS CHAPTER TALKS ABOUT A MOST CASE-SENSITIVE SUBJECT SO IF YOU CAN'T TAKE IT...LEAVE.

AND THERE'S HELLA FUCKING CURSING.

We all go through shit. It's just life, and whether you get used to it and move on or stay and continue to suffer is on you. No one will probably read this (I mean let's be honest this is more for me than it is for you.) But if it helps you well atleast I did something right..... or wrong.... whatever it doesn't matter. I've been through stuff and hell I'm still going through it. People believe that just because you don't show it enough or just because you act like you're okay that you're actually okay. And what's funny is that you begin to believe that lie of you being okay when you know you're not. Sure you can ask for help or whatever but that shit doesn't help. I mean atleast not for me. The only one who's going through this fucking mess is me. Only me. People who relate yeah we understand each other but won't really quite understand the situation we're going through. I mean it's my life, right? I'm the one surviving/living it.

Honestly sometimes when you get to the point of "I'm used to it" it's just tiring. Tired. I'm always tired. And not the sleepy kind oh-i-didn't-get-enough-sleep. No I mean the kind of tired where you're just tired of fucking living. And we can compare of who had the most shittiest life but that doesn't change anything. Yes, I have been suicidal. People think (and I don't blame them) that I'm some heartless bitch who talks about suicide being selfish and that I've never been in that state and would never understand. WELL WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT SHIT?

Suicide is a sensitive topic but I'm going to say my true opinion so if you don't want to hear it please excuse yourself. Suicide to me is selfish. Like I am hella selfish I've tried or at least thought of killing myself a dozen times. I never fucking cut myself because that shit was WACK. WACK AS HELL. I mean pain helps pain? No fucking thank you the whole point is to get away from pain.. well anyway that's just me. But yeah it is selfish. You can rant on telling me of how horrible their life is and their stress their unloved situation and I can tell you all about mine and we can cry together later but not now. During my time of ya know wanting to die moments I thought to myself..

Man I guess I'll never grow old and have children huh?

Never find a husband or become the greatest author..

I'll leave all my friends behind...

My family...

And that's where I stopped. I couldn't let that happen. Sure I had family problems but what about my friends? Was I just going to leave them knowing that I ended my own life just give them a goodbye note see you in the afterlife kindly sign it and we're done? To be remembered as that girl who committed suicide gave up on her dreams left everyone behind instead of continuing? And even if I didn't have friends what I was just gonna die now and miss out on all the upcoming anime? Like HELL NO. I found a reason to live. That's what you're supposed to do. Get yourself out that hole not by killing yourself that's not an escape it's just a way of giving up on hope. No okay? I'm not going to play victim fuck that's SOME BULLSHIT. Man if I die might as well die naturally get run over something WHATEVER. And if you believe that all hope is gone and that you want to die just remember you will but not right now. (Let that be you're motivation if it helps.)

There's a reason why you're still alive. Whether that reason is for you or someone you meet you're alive and hell live your fucking life until you hit your expiration date. It doesn't have to be for you but maybe someone else who will learn from you. You can one day inspire and that person will end up to be the most fucking amazing person ever. And all because of you. The only one who can get out of this depression is you. You make the choices. No one else forced you to kill yourself that would be murder, not suicide. AND IF A MOTHER FUCKING PERSON TELLS YOU YOU'RE NOT WORTH IT AND TO KILL YOURSELF DO NOT FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM. THEY DON'T FUCKING KNOW YOU LIKE THAT. Like tf? Just remember me if you want. Know that I care. A life is precious, it's the greatest gift ever given please don't waste it. Keep living until time's up. Stop thinking all these negative things. Grow stronger learn from it. It's life. The whole point is to learn and grow from it. Whether it's good or bad that's up to you of what you want to continue doing. Just know that killing yourself means your missing out. Make something of yourself. Live on for the sake of reading new fanfics. Live on for the sake of eating. Live on for the sake of waking up and seeing that blue or rainy sky. Find that reason to live. It doesn't matter if it's a small thing because to you it might mean everything. Just LIVE! Please don't get rid of yourself so easily, a life is worth too much. Especially yours. Remember only you decide but if you know someone who's going through depression give them a lil push so they can find the right path on their own.

Love you.♡

    -Bowtie_Rabbit