he kissed the scars on my skin {janoskians fanfic}

Chapter 28

*Katies POV*

I'm struggling with basically everything.

Eating.

Talking.

Smiling.

Keeping my eyes open.

Not hurting myself.

Even breathing is a challenge.

I'm just so tired and effortless I don't even want to breathe.

Everyone is making me go to counselling, I might as well just go to keep them happy.

2 weeks, 2 weeks I've still been alive.

Honestly?

It's been hell, no one is who they used to be and it's all my fault.

Most days I just sit in my bed and stare at the roof and imagine what it could have been like if I let myself fall.

Any sharp objects have been removed from my room and my door has to be open at all times, these 'rules' are driving me crazy.

~

I was sat in my councillors office with Luke.

I was told to close my eyes and think of a place or thing and tell the woman what I saw.

"I see a bridge, with flowing water"

"Expand on that" she said softly.

"Um, it's rather high up. If you jumped off you would most likely die. Jumping? Jumping from this hight seems fun, there isn't a lot of people there to stop anyone from actually jumping. It looks peaceful, I'd like to go there one day and look down on the water and maybe even jum-"

"Okay stop" she said rather concerned.

I heard Luke sigh and grab onto my hand.

"Right lets try something different, close your eyes and think of one person and one person only and describe them too me"

I paused for a while to think.

"Okay, well he has brown eyes, brown hair and the most beautiful smile. He would do anything to make someone laugh or smile. Even just seeing him smile will brighten up my day slightly. I miss his smile, it's not the same as it used to be. I've caused him way to much pain and heartache which he really didn't deserve and I'm really sorry for it. I don't understand why he is still here for me, I'm a freak. He doesn't realise how much I actually love him, I don't think he ever will. But I want him to know he saved my life so many times, thankyou Luke."

I opened my eyes and looked over at my boyfriend who had tears falling down his cheeks.

"Okay that will do for today's session, ill see you soon loves" the woman half smiled.

We walked out the office and Luke stood in silence sniffing and wiping his eyes.

"Why are you crying?" I frowned.

"What you said, it just got to me. I'm such an idiot crying" he laughed slightly.

"Hey, don't be silly" I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"There's that smile I love" he said resting his head on mine and kissing it lightly.

"I love you" he whispered.

"I love you too"

Once we got home, beau told me that him and the boys were going out for a bit tonight so it would just be me, Skye and Gina which I didn't mind at all. We haven't spent time just us three in so long.