Diary Of A Loner

1

I have seen all my friend play have fun and have new friends.

I despise it.

Envy

Jealousy

Loneliness

I don't want to be left out

I don't want to be left alone

I fear being forgotten

Replaced

I despise those emotions. It's not fair to my friends. There's no need for them to realize that I carry these feelings each time they pay attention to someone other than me.

My only thought is always. Why?

Why do I feel this?

I'm too selfish

Am I the only one who feels like this?

I always hope and think that the person my friend pay attention to will leave. Not communicate with them when I'm around.

They're nice people, but they annoy me.

It irritates me to have them interrupt me. To take them away from me.

I'm frightened and I'm irritated at the same time.

Why don't they simply not talk to other people?

I want to be my best friends only friend.

But I simply cannot do that. That person is too precious to me to burden them with my emotions.

I sometimes wish that I never met them or that I could have the strength to leave them. Cut the ties that connect us two so that I wouldn't be feeling these emotions.

But then, I realize I would be crying for being so lonely

No friend to hang out with, to laugh with, to have fun with.

Such a boring life it would have been but is being friends with them better? Should I still be friends with them even though it pains me so to continue to be with them?

I have no answer.

Too indecisive

Fear creeps up in my heart and I become depressed when I think of them.

Especially my best friend they have other friends who have way more similar hobbies and activities unlike me who doesn't

It hurts.

It hurts soo much

I hate it

I don't like pain
Anne I especially don't like this kind of pain.

What should I do?