A Danisnotonfire (Dan Howell) Fanfiction

Chapter 26

I woke up that morning with sweat all over my face. I couldn't take this anymore. Phil and Dan were making my life so hard. I know that sounds selfish and stupid but I just couldn't take their fights. It made me feel so terrible that I was breaking up something so perfect, so I came to a conclusion. I couldn't make a decision...I wouldn't.

Fighting back my sobs, I had a plan. I would leave. I would leave London. I would leave them. The last time this happened I became depressed, but no, not this time. I'm doing it for their sake.

I stumbled into the kitchen and clutched the counter, shaking my head violently back and forth. I would forget Dan. I would forget Phil. I would forget  everything. The flat, the kisses, the hugs, the movies we've watched, when I first met them, my dates with Dan...everything. Gone. I would even throw away my memories of Darren. It now seemed like he was the least of my problems. Hopefully, once I left, Dan and Phil would find girlfriends who could treat them right and continue to make videos. They could maintain their friendship and not even think about me. I'd be a dream. A blurry, unimportant dream that never happened. I'd be erased from their minds. That was my plan. Of course, I didn't want this. I wanted to be with them forever, but they needed this. They needed me gone. I would have to make them think I didn't want them. That my happiness didn't depend on them.

"Phil? Dan?" I choked out, calling them in. I quickly placed my suitcase and bags by the door. Luckily, they didn't notice them...yet.

"Elizabeth?" Phil replied. "What's wrong?"

Pull yourself together Elizabeth. C'mon. This is for them. "I'm fine. Where's Dan?"

"In his room."

"Dan?" I called louder. I was on edge.

"I'm coming! I'm coming, geez, Liz!" I could tell he immediately felt sorry by looking at me. Apparently I wasn't doing to well with the whole keeping  it together thing. Tears rimmed my eyes making them red.

"Hey, hey," Dan whispered, as I used my long sleeves to wipe the tears away. He pinned my hands to my side and used his thumbs to brush them away. I jerked my head to the side. My plan wasn't going too well. "Elizabeth, what's wrong?" I was silent. "Please, please tell me." Looking into Dan's eyes I bit my lip. I glanced at Phil, and gently pushed Dan away from me by placing a hand on his chest.

I asked them to kindly sit down. They did and I stood in front of them. "I've made a decision." I forced a smile. The blood drained from their already too-pale faces. I could tell that Dan thought I chose Phil from the way I jerked away from him...little did he know.

"Okay..."Phil urged me to continue.

"And I've come to a conclusion." Tell them! You're dragging this out! "And I'm not happy here."

Dan's jaw dropped. "What-"

"I don't want to stay here. It's not good for any of us. I- I don't want to be with you both." I fought back a sob.

"Elizabeth-"

"No. I don't want you to tell me to stay. I hate it here." I lied. This was the hardest thing I've ever done.

"Listen to me, Elizabeth." Phil pleaded. He took my chin and tilted my head so that I'd look at him. "You're just feeling really pressured. That's okay. You don't have to decide now. Just take some time like you wanted. We wont bug you. We'll wait for you. As long as you want.'

"No," I argued.

"Liz," Dan whispered, my eyes locking with his. He gently pulled me from Phil and placed his forehead against mine. My breath hitched and my heart sped up. He smiled. He knew how he made me feel. "I love you. Don't leave. I love you. Do you hear me? You are everything to me. To us. If you leave I'm nothing."