Tears of confession [Bleach]

Act I: Renji

Really?! I thought angrily as I watched Kuchiki taichou completely ignore me.

The whole sixth division was celebrating and congratulating me, but not even that seemed to matter for my cold hearted taichou... well, ex-taichou.

But what else could I have expected? I asked myself, all anger gone and the only thing left was frustration Not even me becoming the captain of the fifth division would have caught his attention. I am just a silly and pathetic monkey that is still foolishly trying to reach towards the moon. And maybe I am... he is a high mighty noble and I am a street rat.

I sighed again, flashed my ex-shinigami mates a forced grateful smile and left with the excuse of being tired after my captain test. Luckily they didn't notice and made me promise them to not act as a stranger just because from now on we were going to be in different divisions. Of course, I agreed. Since knowing that I was elected to make the test I vowed to not act like some ex-captains, just because I will be one doesn't mean that I will treat the rest like inferiors.

"Why are you leaving early" demanded to know Kuchiki taichou.

"Will it kill you to add a interrogation sign at the end of a question?" it left my lips before I could stop it.

But then remembered that I didn't need to fear him, he wasn't my taichou anymore. This thought brought me equal relief as sadness. I turned around in time to see surprise flashing in his eyes before his expressionless facade returned.

"I am waiting" was the only answer I got from Kuchiki taichou.

"I do as well" I replied, watching a bit gleefully how shock flashed by his face again. I liked to know that at least I had some effect on him "I have been waiting for some kind of respect or at least notice of my worth from you for years. I really don't know when my hate for you, for taking Rukia the girl I love like a sister, away from me changed to admiration...".

"She is my sister" he cut me off with a glare and icy tone.

"And what a great job you do!" I snapped at him, my rage returning and stunning my ex-taichou to silence "Whenever you have to choose between your pride and her, guess what wins?" I asked sarcastically "Your pride!" I yelled at him "That is not how a brother should act! You look down at the rest in disgust and superiority. No one matter more than yourself and your pride!".

"Abara..." he began to talk, as much rage and surprise clear in his tone, but I cut him off.

"You don't notice the dedication and effort that other people do for you. I worked hard every day so you could be proud of a what a dedicated fukotaichou you had, even when I was sick I tried as if it didn't matter. I followed you when you wanted to execute Rukia, I fucking forgave you when you tried to kill me! When the zampaktous were driven crazy by their instincts and everyone thought you were a traitor I stood firmly believing that they were mistaken, no matter what were your actions".

I noticed that tears were falling from my eyes but I didn't care, I finally have the opportunity to speak my mind and I was going to take as much advantage as I could.

"I stood behind you and followed you every step of your way, since I became your fukotaichou. I gave you my total loyalty and my whole dedication, all because I looked up at you. Not because I was the monkey that tried to reach the moon, but because I was the snake that admired it. I admired how bright you shone, how graceful you were, how strong you were, how you could be the head of your clan and the taichou of the sixth division at the same time... but it never mattered to you. A noble would never care for a street rat, would they?" I flashed him a sad and defeated smile.

It surprised me to see that his expressionless facade wasn't in his face anymore. That I was able to see such a raw anguish in his eyes, an anguish that was so featureless of taichou Kuchiki. However, I didn't care. I didn't care that I think he finally began noticing me, because it was already too late... I had given up on my ex-taichou.

"The worst is that I had fallen in love with you" his eyes widened, only a fraction but it was a lot on the usual expressionless taichou "But it doesn't matter anymore" I turned around to leave, but I was stopped by a hand on my arm "Kuchiki taichou?" I asked him surprised.

What stunned me wasn't the sudden action of my ex-taichou, I was expecting it. After the way I behaved I would have been shocked if he didn't punch me for my bad behavior. However, the strike never came. He just stared at me with a thoughtful look, it was unreadable and gave me the sense that he was calculating me.

"I see you don't feel the same was anymore" he said after a while of silence.

"It has nothing about not feeling the same" I said with a humorless laugh "It has to do with having given up and being tired".

"The fukotaichou I know would have never given up" he told me, now glaring.

I ignored the recognition of my abilities he had just given me. Like I said before, it was already too late.

"The fulotaichou you know is tired of having his heart tore apart from his chest and trample on it" I replied, freeing myself from his grip.

I flashed step away from taichou Kuchiki and used my best effort to suppress my raitsu, even if I wasn't the best on it.

I wandered for a while through Rukongai until I caught Famille*, my favorite restaurant.

I must have unconsciously walked towards here. I thought. Better. I am sure that Hiromi will listen to me and give me good advice, she always does.

"Renji?!" she exclaimed surprised but then smiled brightly. However, I could notice that it was forced "What are you doing here? I thought that you would be celebrating with the sixth division because of your promotion".

"I'll tell you my story later, you tell me yours first" I told her after sitting down.

"I don't know what you mean" her smile flattered for a second, but I noticed it.

"Don't treat me as an idiot, Hiromi. Not you" I replied with a strained tone of voice, remembering my Kuchiki taichou "I might not be as intelligent or good with words as you, but I have always been there for my friends".

"Renji... I am so sorry! I didn't mean to make you feel like that" she launched at me hugging the life out of me.

Damn it! I cursed in my head. Sometimes I forget how strong she is. I really have to convince her to join the shinigami.

"I just had a very bad day" she confessed in a murmur, but I was able to hear her.

"Tell me then" I told her softly. I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her closer to me "It's time for you to lean on other and let them be the ones giving advice. Nobody can be strong for ever... we break otherwise".

I felt a pang of hurt in my chest at my own words, recalling my own issues with my ex-taichou.

"Well..." her voice brought me back from my blue thoughts "It all started when..."

*Famille (French) = Family (English).