Sisters [book one]

Chapter Nineteen

Dedicated to @Stillinthelabyrinth because of her contribution to my discussion thread. Thank you! You helped me deciding whether to give Haley a hobby or not.

Chapter Nineteen

I double take when I walk into school on Wednesday because Esmee's back.

She stands at her locker, talking to Tobias. People look at her as they walk by but she pretends they’re not there. Dressed in a mini-skirt and cute top, flats and tan handbag, her hair perfectly styled into waves and her makeup flawless, it's like she's back to her old self. Smiley. Happy.

Healthy.

I don’t know for sure what Bridgit’s told her but I steer clear of her nonetheless. I skip going to my locker and head straight to homeroom. As I’m walking, I realise that Esmee’s not the only person they’re looking at - they’re looking at me too.

Students glance over their shoulders at me and whisper amongst their friends, some pupils have expressions of disgust and others have stares of jealousy. My suspicions are confirmed when I hear someone say, "Why's it always the quiet ones?" making no effort to hide their voice.

I have to stare at the floor as I walk. My heart is thudding in my chest. Bridgit's told everyone. They all know. Everyone.

That means Esmee knows too. 

I enter homeroom early and bury my head behind a textbook.

I should've thought this through. I should've told Esmee when I went to visit her in hospital. What had I been thinking? I thought I was being brave by standing up to myself to Bridgit but instead, I showed her that I didn't care about my friendship with Esmee.

I'd put my own ego and self-satisfaction in front of Esmee's. Now she knows and I've ruined everything.

* *

The stares continue.

At lunchtime, I don’t go to the cafeteria. Ever since Esmee's been in hospital and Jake kissed me, I've been avoiding the popular table altogether. I take my usual route to the girls' bathroom and occupy the last stall.

I sit on the toilet seat and eat my sandwiches. I read the carved writing on the walls.

Normally I don’t get disturbed. Girls come and girls go. Sometimes I catch a snippet of their conversations. Other times I mind my own business. No-one’s cottoned on that--

"Haley Holland!"

Someone wraps their knuckles on the door and I jump.

"Open up, I know you're in there!"

Uh oh.

I wrap up my sandwiches and prepare for the worst. I open the stall door. "Esmee," I say, mustering a weak smile.

"What the hell did you think you were doing, Haley Holland?" Esmee says, her eyes fiery flames.

"I-I-" My voice trails off. It turns into a croak but I don't clear my throat. I don’t do anything. I'm rooted on the spot.

I want a trap door to open from underneath and swallow me whole.

"I don't want you going anywhere near Jake, do you understand?" Esmee's finger stabs me in the chest. She arches forward; our faces only inches apart. “You're not good enough for him, he doesn't need someone like you weighing him down."

I want to tell her that I don't like Jake in that way. I'm going to prom with Zac. It was Jake who kissed me, not the other way round. Jake is the one who has feelings for me. Yes, the quarterback has feelings for the loner. But what's it to Esmee? How does she decide whether I'm good enough for someone like Jake? But I don't say any of these things.

I stare into the eyes of the girl who was in hospital not a week ago because of anorexia yet craved being at the top so much she wouldn't let it go even for our friendship.

"I don't need your pity right now," I say. "I know you want to hit me, I know you want to scream at me, I know you're softening the blow."

Esmee opens her mouth but she doesn’t say anything.

"You don't need to do that just for me," I say.

"I don't care about you anymore, Haley Holland. I hate you. Don't ever come near me again."

I say, "Don't you know that the real reason why you were in hospital is going to come out sooner or later?"

"You wouldn't dare."

"You're right," I say. "I wouldn't, because I still value our friendship. And so would you if paid a speck of attention and realise that it was Jake that kissed me, not the other way around."

I sling my bag over my shoulder and walk out of the bathroom. Esmee doesn't try and stop me.

I know she took pity on me. I know her. She wanted to do so much more than just point her finger at me but she was too afraid. She was too afraid I would go into a nervous breakdown and she was too afraid of what everyone would think if they found out that the reason she went to hospital wasn't to get her appendix out but because the perfect, popular girl wasn't so perfect anymore.

The cheerleader has flaws. Shocker.