Troubled || Dean Winchester & Natasha Romanoff

Troubled

"Dean?" Natasha calls out, walking into one of the bunker's millions of rooms. Sam was out getting food, and Cas was with Claire, leaving her and Dean alone. She would've enjoyed the few moments of alone time with her boyfriend had he not have suddenly disappeared into thin air.

Things had been hectic lately, to say the least. Dean and Sam were in the middle of trying to figure out how to rid Dean of the Mark of Cain, and Natasha and the Avengers had just finished taking care of the Ultron threat. Things for her, while chaotic and crazy in every way, were calm enough for her to take a few days off. Dean, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. He couldn't find a cure for the Mark, and none of her contacts had been a help either, which just stressed the situation even more. There was no spell, book, website, or person that knew anything about the Mark of Cain and how to destroy it. At least, not yet.

"Dean?" She calls again, this time receiving a reply.

"In here." It comes from one of the main rooms, the one where majority of the books were found. She finds him sitting by the table, engrossed in his reading. She had been finding him like that allot lately.

"Hey," she says softly, and stops to lean on the door frame. "How's it going?"

"Fan-freaking-tastic. I've got an entire library of books on every single subject you could ever think of, except on the one damn thing I need," he complains. He rubs his eyes and runs his hands down his face before looking towards her. He can't help the small smile on his face then. No matter how stressed or angry he was a simple glance at her could chase all that away. She's wearing one of his shirts, a red and white plaid one, and it's obviously way too big for her. She looks so small, so fragile. It's hard to believe she is an Avenger, one of the best ones at that. He closes the book, and motions for her to come. She pushes herself off the wall and bare feet pad towards him. She moves to sit on the table, but he acts quickly, grabbing her arm and setting her on his lap. She rolls her eyes as he laughs, his arms resting against her jean clad hips as hers automatically looped around his neck. He grins, and leans into her, kissing her neck, before kissing her cheek.

"How are you doing?" He asked.

Nat moves her hand to the back of his neck, and softly plays with his hair. He hums in pleasure, and tightens his grip around her. "Better than you are," she replies.

Dean glares at her. "We're not talking about me right now. Come on, Nat. I need the distraction."

She is about to argue that they needed to find a cure, to find a way for him to live his life without having to fear of going over the edge like he had three times already. But then he looks at her with wide green eyes, and she sees just how tired he is of chasing dead ends. So she moves his hand to play with the hair on the side of his head and sighs. "I'm finally back on track with the sleeping times here," she says.

"Aww," he pouted. "But I liked our late night fun."

Natasha laughs, and playfully shoves his shoulder. With Nat's jetlag, and Dean's trouble with sleeping for more than four hours, they spent majority of their nights tangled in sheets, skin on skin. Thought Nat doubts that will stop with Dean's refusal to sleep because of the nightmares the Mark gives him. "Oh!" She exclaims suddenly, hurriedly getting her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans. "Laura gave birth today," she tells him, the excitement in her voice not hard to miss.

"Oh, yeah?" Dean sounds just as excited as she is. He knows how much Clint meant to her, and loves both him and Laura. In fact, Clint looking out for Tasha was one of the main reasons Dean was okay with Nat being an Avenger, why he wasn't constantly worrying about her.

Nat scrolls through her phone before finding the picture. Dean leans his chin on her shoulder as he stares at the photo. "Hmm," Dean smiles, squeezing her. "Fat."

"That's what I said!" She laughs. "Isn't he cute?"

"The cutest thing I've ever seen," Dean gleams. "Wait," his eyes caught the baby's clothing. "Nathaniel I know is for you. Is Pietro for...?" The look on her face tells Dean he doesn't have to finish the sentence. "That's... wow."

"Yeah," Natasha says, eyes still glued on the photo. "Clint took it really hard. He's been checking in with Wanda, even asked if she was okay with name."

"Wow," Dean says, lifting his chin off her shoulder and leaning back into the chair.

A sad silence settles upon the room then, neither of them knowing what to say next. While they are both happy beyond words for Clint and Laura, they still can't help but think about the life they'll never be able to live. Nat can't help but feel a little heartbroken knowing she'll never be able to have a child of her own. There was the option of adoption, but no one in her line of work could afford to have children in the sense of being constantly busy and around danger. And Dean...

"Would you ever do it, Dean?" She asks, still staring at Nathaniel. "If things are different one day in the future, would you have kids?"

Dean is a silent for a moment. Family is everything to him. Sam, Cas, Nat - they are the things that make up his very existence. But a wife, kids – that wasn't something he likes to think about. If he did have that, it wouldn't last long. He thought of his time with Lisa and Ben, what it was like to feel like an almost husband and father. He thinks of how happy he was, having that even for a moment, but as he does his mind wonders to going back to hunting, and his heart leaps even more, and he realizes that he'll probably never have that again because he's married to the job. His first love, after all, is killing monsters.

"Dean?" Natasha grabs his attention. He looks at her. "Would you?"

He presses his lips into a thing line and shakes his head. "I don't think so, Nat. Even if I wanted, it would never happen, not in this line of work. Hunter kids are never kids. I never was."

Natasha runs her fingers through his hair, then behind his ear, and repeats the soothing actions. "Sam was," she whispers. "Because of you. It might not have been ideal or the most perfect way to grow up, but he was a kid for a hell of allot longer than you had been."

"And look what's happened," he retorts, leaning his head into her hand. Natasha moves her hand to the other side of his head, and brings him into her chest. He closes his eyes. "The kid grew up to discover he had physic abilities because of demon blood, which he then became addicted too. Then he was the vessel for Lucifer, got locked in the Cage, lost his soul, was haunted with visions of Lucifer after he got it back, almost died trying to complete the trials I talked him out of, then got possessed by an angel, again because me." His getting angrier and more upset with himself as he goes on, and Natasha has to hold him tighter as she strokes his hair to get him to stop. For a moment the action reminds him of his mother, and then he feels like crying.

"Shh," she says. "It's okay. None of that was your fault," and she just keeps saying that, and he holds her tighter, closer, like his scared if he lets go she'll disappear and he'll go crumbling again.

They stayed like that for a while, wrapped up in each other's embrace. Dean on the verge of crying, knowing Natasha would be there if he did. They don't talk further on the subject, knowing fully well none of them will be able to have kids one day. It's a lonely life, being a hero.

It's only when they can hear Sam entering the bunker does Dean speak up. "Hey, Natasha?" he says, lifting his head off her chest. 

"Yeah?" She looks at him, and as she does he can't help but smile because she's everything he's ever imagined her to be and so much more. She blushes as he does, but tries to hide it. "What is it?"

"I'll never have kids of my own, but I have found the one person I'd want to have them with." And then he kisses her, all smiles and teeth. And for a moment, although they know it won't last long, everything is okay.