Past Lovers

Past Lovers. 23

“You’re….what?”

 My mouth dropped, and my ears were ringing with that word. I could see her lips moving, mouthing the word, but I couldn’t hear over the thumping pulse in my ear. Tugging on my collar in hopes for more air, I collapsed onto to the couch.

Hayden continued to sob, and for the first time in a while, I didn’t know how to console her.

“It’s mine, right?” I asked, once I was able to catch my breath and process her words.

She threw her hands up in the arm. “Of course, it’s yours. I haven’t slept with Jared in months,” a tear escaped from the corner of her eye. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, I never pictured myself a mother. It was always work, work has always come first. And I’m finally back on track with my work life, and this happens. What if I don’t want this?

The woman I loved was nursing my future child. But were we ready for that? I mean, we were still so young, not even thirty yet. And we had only just gotten back together, with a divorce and three years of space in our past. We were taking everything day by day, not trying to rush us. But now, Hayden was pregnant.

I nodded, and put my hand on the small of her back. “It’ll be okay. Whatever you decide, I support. Well you want to keep it, adopt it, terminate it, I don’t care I just want you to be happy.”

Hayden bit her bottom lip, and sighed. She obviously had a lot think about. A part of me wanted her to keep it, because of course, it was my child. But a part of me was afraid of what factors came along with having a baby. That can change everything. A baby is the ultimate game changer.

“You wouldn’t care if I got an abortion?”

“Of course not, I just want you to be happy.”

She sighed. “How did this happen?”

I shook my head with regret. “I don’t know, I honestly don’t. You’re on the pill, and we used a condom every time! There’s no safer way.”

Hayden looked weak, and excused herself to get some rest in the bedroom. I had no idea what was going through her head, but I could tell she felt like the odds were against her. I wish I could make it all better. I wish I could just kiss her, and fix everything.

But this was out of my reach, beyond my power. Fate had taken over, and Mother Nature was in control. Crestfallen, I dragged myself over to my desk, where I wrote about fate and how life is always a gamble, and you never know what’s going to come next. But when I was done, I still felt empty and restless. So I took a walk, searching for some comfort.

The Neon Lights Bar was just as I left it. I stood outside the entrance, and stared into the large, dark bar windows. Since I had found Hayden, my trips to the bar had cut down. But there was a time in my life where The Neon Lights Bar was my second home. Looking back, I remembered how I used to sit every night, drown my sorrows in scotch, and wait for the woman of my dreams to appear. I did that for three long years.

Although it was only a few months in the past, it now seemed like a lifetime ago. Now, the woman of my dreams was pregnant with my child.

My thoughts grew louder and louder as I stood outside in the cold, looking into the bar and looking into my past.

Enough, enough.

I silenced my mind, and went in. I sat at the bar, on my usual stool which was unoccupied.

“My main man,” Billy greeted, coming over to me with the warmest smile on his face. “Long time, no see.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while,” I murmured, with a meek smile.

He grabbed a glass filled with ice and a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label, made me a drink, and asked me about my life. He knew Hayden was in my life, but I needed guidance.

The conversation I shared with him was exactly what I needed. The details I will keep to myself, because it was almost too sacred to share. But the insight he gave me was unlike anything else.

“Why are you here and not with her? This is who you used to be,” Billy said.

And this is who I am now, I thought in my head. With my glass empty and my head, I walked out of the bar like a new man.

The past doesn’t matter. The past shapes who we are for the present and the future. My future was with Hayden, whether I had a child with her now or five, ten years down the line; that was my future. Right now, the present was staring me in the face, and I was going to take control of it.

I nearly sprinted home to Hayden, and found her zoning out in front of the television, watching one of those cheesy Nicolas Sparks movies. Running to the bedroom, I went into my sock drawer and pulled out a small silver box that had been sitting there for years, and slipped it into my jean pocket.

Back in the living room and flopping down next to her, I took her hands, looked into her eyes, and whispered: “I love you with all of my heart. I know you don’t look at this as a blessing, but I do. I don’t care what you do, but I am right there beside you through all of it. I just want you for the rest of my life, I want to have a family with you, whether it’s now in the present, or later in our future. But you are beautiful, and strong, and caring, and kind, and you’re going to make an amazing mother, whenever the time comes. It’s you and me, in this together. I know I haven’t been the most reliable, most sturdy person in the past, but I’m here now in the present, wanting to make a change in the future. If you choose to have this child, I promise to be the greatest father of all time. I’ll get a job that actually pays, I’ll change the diapers, wake up when it cries in the middle of the night, and give you devoted love forever. I know how unexpected this was; for you, for me, for our relationship. But let’s make the best of it, and we can overcome anything. I believe our love is so strong and powerful that it can endure every hardship that comes our way. There’s a reason you came into my life again, and there won’t be a reason for you to leave again. I love you, Hayden.”

With tears in her eyes, she murmured, “I’m going to keep it. I love you and trust you, and I’m ready,” she smiled, “We’re ready. Chase Levine, you’re going to be a father.”

I threw my arms around her, and pulled her in for a long, tender embrace.

Looking into her eyes, “I have one request then.” She nodded for me to continue on. “If you’re going to be the mother of my child, I want you be my wife.”

I left the couch, and got down on one knee. Pulling out the silver box, I revealed her old wedding ring, the one she threw at my head in fury when she left my life. It was still breathtaking to look at, despite its age, with a sparking platinum band and square dazzling diamonds. She gapped, and quickly covered her mouth.

“Hayden…will you marry me, again?”

Throwing her arms around me, and kissing me, she exclaimed, “Of course, yes, yes, yes!”

***
YAY

So I'm going to throw in two more chapters after this!

This story is almost done! I hope you guys have beeen enjoying it. I'll always love Hayden and Chase. Childhood Lovers was my first book ever, and I can't believe I'm almost done.

If you like my writing and want more, please please please check out my story "The Bad Boy's Game"