Silent {COMPLETED}

Human

Emmi

I look at the message on my (Avia's) phone.

Missed call fom 567-891-0123

That's dad. I know what he's trying to do. I deleted all contacts and got rid of the tracking information on it. They won't find me, and I'm glad. I turn it
off and continue walking. It's been a lot of miles since last night.

It's around eleven and by now they're probably worried sick. But that's their fault, not mine. They made me run away. I'm not looking back.

☆☆☆

I sat on a bus heading further down. It was twelve now. I just ate a granola bar and some water. I stared out the bus window singing.

"White lips, pale face
Breathing in snowflakes
Burnt lungs, sour taste
Light's gone, day's end
Struggling to pay rent
Long nights, strange men"

"And they say
She's in the Class A Team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since eighteen
But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries"

I take a deep breath and wipe away tears. Suddenly there'd a noise.

Clapping.

I look up. Smiles. People look at me and are clapping. The old woman next to me nods.

"Please go on little girl." She says. I close my eyes and rest my head against the ripped up blue seat.

"And they scream
The worst things in life come free to us
'Cause we're just under the upper hand
And go mad for a couple grams
And she don't want to go outside tonight
And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland
Or sells love to another man
It's too cold outside
For angels to fly
Angels to fly"

"Ripped gloves, raincoat
Tried to swim and stay afloat
Dry house, wet clothes
Loose change, bank notes
Weary-eyed, dry throat
Call girl, no phone

And they say
She's in the Class A Team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since eighteen
But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
And they scream

The worst things in life come free to us
'Cause we're just under the upper hand
And go mad for a couple grams
And she don't want to go outside tonight
And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland
Or sells love to another man
It's too cold outside
For angels to fly
An angel will die
Covered in white
Closed eye
And hoping for a better life
This time, we'll fade out tonight
Straight down the line

And they say
She's in the Class A Team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since eighteen
But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries

They scream
The worst things in life come free to us
And we're all under the upper hand
Go mad for a couple grams
And we don't want to go outside tonight
And in a pipe we fly to the Motherland
Or sell love to another man
It's too cold outside

For angels to fly
Angels to fly
To fly, fly
For angels to fly, to fly, to fly
For angels to die"

☆☆☆

I stop at a gas station and buy a hotdog, ice cream bar, chips and Gatorade. I open my ice cream bar and put everything else in my backpack.

As I'm walking I hear a few police voices.

"Emmi Butler? Been missing for six hours." I quickly dive behind the nearest uilding.

"How'd she do it? Get from Pocatello Idaho to Utah?"

"Only if I knew. See ya at the station Jim."

"You too Lin." I watch the men walk to their cars and drive away. I run out and into the woods.

☆☆☆

I sit against a tree watching the sun go down.

"I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that's what you want
Be your number one"

I whisper the words to Human. I feel the hot tears fall down my cheeks.

"I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it
I can do it
I can do it

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human

I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
If that's what you need
Be your everything

I can do it
I can do it
I'll get through it

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human

I'm only human
I'm only human
Just a little human

I can take so much
'Til I've had enough

'Cause I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human"

I pull my blanket around my shoulders and look into the sky.

"I'm only human, why do you this?" I ask God crying into my knees. "I didn't do anything! Just tell me!"I shout at me sky. The wind blows. Leaves rustle.

I hug myself in my sleeping bag. I write in my blue Diary 

Dear Future Emmi,
  It hurts. They say it gets better in the end, but does it? Is it just a saying that everyone says? Do I go back? Will they ignore me again? I won't ever know until I do. Yet I won't. I can't. The pain is too much. Please Emmi, return when you're happy. Don't stop being you. I'm sad. I love my family but right now I just can't be around them. Hopefully I'll change. I'm only Human.
                                        -Emmi 2019