let me go. (sequel to autism)

Day 1

A/N

Hi.hey.hello.

Stfu, I know it's short.

Welcome back to Hell.

:)

×××

I don't remember what happened. I can't remember anything. All I know is I sat at the bar my friends made me go to and I was having a casual conversation with a stranger, and then it was as if my life had completely blanked out. That last memory was locked into my brain, and I couldn't ignore the many expressions, and how good the stranger looked through the dark lighting of the bar. That was the strongest memory I last had, besides the strong smell of alcohol stinging my nose, and the figures dancing against each other. If my friends weren't so head strong on trying to make me get a boyfriend, then this wouldn't have happened.

I wouldn't have been locked in this cold room, not knowing what the hell was going to happen to me or if I'd live to see tomorrow. If I'd see the sun, feel the grass between my toes... or take two more pills each day. Downing medicine and driving to constant doctor visits and therapy appointments. Maybe it'd be better if I just accidently took too much of my medication.

Then I thought back to where it all started.

People and Gerard could blame me for calling the cops and sending Gerard to a foster home, but it wouldn't be accurate. What I did was the right thing, the thing I regret most was not doing it sooner. I regret not being able to see Gerard because of my parents, I regret having autism and being a nervous fuck, I regret letting Gerard slip away from me. But it was him who had slipped away from me.

I came to visit him for the second time and he was gone. The doctors let him loose, giving him funds for college, and letting him go so easily. I never heard of him since. Especially since his parents moved away once they found out he was gay and dating me, and that he was a waste of their time... even that they didn't feel like ever looking at me. But it wasn't too long until they got arrested, and Mikey moved to the foster home with Gerard.

And I hated having to watch as my only true love grasped for me as he was getting pulled away, and the only sound I hear in my dreams is the retched sound of sirens. I hated how he continuously cried and anytime I visited him he would ignore me or make angry faces at me. Sure he was happy with not being beat to shit by his parents, but he was paranoid that they were going to come back and get him. He was angry at me the most- for sending him there. So angry he left me for 2 years without an explanation.

I hated not being able to see him as much, but I loved the fact that he wasn't getting hurt anymore. I hoped he was still safe... no matter how much he hated me.

Reality came rushing back as I heard footsteps walking up stairs, closer to the room, my heart beat starting to quicken. Deciding not to say anything, I stepped closer to the door and listened for anything.

I noticed their shadowed footsteps stop at the door, and my breath hitched in my throat. I prayed to whoever that the person would just keep walking. I couldn't deal with this right now. Not at three in the morning. Things became extremely quiet and I could barely hear myself breathing, my eyes were straining from staying awake and focusing so hard on what was happening. My brain could barely conjure up what was happening. Why would someone, of all people, take me? I thought this sort of thing only happening to certain people, not short, autism fueled, lonely teenagers. Not really a teenager, but I'm only twenty.

Soon enough, the figure disappeared and continued walking away. What were they doing?

My breathing continued at a normal pace, but I was barely able to sleep all night, my thoughts racing through my head. My eyelids felt like boulders, but I refused to relax; pacing and thinking the entire night.