That I Would Be Good

Epilogue

“So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.” ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

      Alana flipped the last page of the letter – or story.  She quickly wiped the tears that had fallen onto her cheeks.  She didn’t know when she first started crying, but she couldn’t stop.  The tears kept falling.  It was a mixture of happiness and sadness. 

      Who would have thought a letter from a complete stranger would make her feel so not alone in the world?  She might not be able to relate to everything Elodey had said in her story, but she could connect with her.  She could feel everything Elodey was feeling.  Maybe because she was feeling it herself.

      She was just as lost as Elodey was. 

       Slowly she stood up from the couch and looked at her clock.  It was three in the morning and everyone would be asleep, but she had to call just then.  She couldn’t put it off.  What she wanted –or had-- to say would not be able to wait until morning.

      Grabbing the phone from its cradle she dialed a number she knew all her life, a phone number she would never forget.  After a few rings someone picked up.

     “Hello?” they said groggily into the phone, but somewhat on edge.

      “Hi Mom,” Alana said, sniffling into the phone, trying to stop her voice from cracking.  Calling her mom when she was crying wasn’t the brightest of ideas because that would make her instantly jump to the conclusion that something was wrong.  That was the last thing Alana wanted her mom to think. 

       “Is something wrong, honey?” her mom asked, sounding wide awake now.  Alana could hear her mom ruffling around in bed, and shaking her father to wake up.

      “Nothing’s wrong, Mom.” Alana smiled into the phone and wiped her nose.  “I just wanted to know how you were and maybe if I could come back to Kansas this weekend.  I haven’t seen you guys in a long time.”

     The conversation went on for a while and when Alana finally hung up, she felt better than she had in a long time.  Better than when she left Kansas to pursue her dream of being a business woman.  Better than she had when she told her parents she was fine on her own, when obviously she wasn’t.  Better than ever. 

      She walked back to the couch and picked up the last page of the letter again re-reading it, tears springing back to her eyes.

“At twenty-two, I still haven't found where I fit in.  Or what I want to do with my life or where I want to be in someone else's.  I still don’t know the true meaning of love.

"I do know that I would rather be happy than angry or sad.  I'd rather love than hate.  I know I don't want to just be another person in this crazy world, but I don't know how not to be. 

"But I am absolutely sure that I would be good whether I'm rich or poor; fat or thin; strong or weak; loved or unloved. Because I know life gets better and if you just keep looking ahead then... That's what makes you good." 

Elodey

 

 

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Special thanks to MeganMadness for the quote at the top!