Our Greatest Adventure

Chapter 16: 36 Weeks & Counting

A big thank you to everyone who waited patiently for the next installment of this story!  Wish I could write faster for you all, because you're such a supportive bunch!  - Aimee 

The end of my pregnancy could not come soon enough. At 36 weeks, every inch of my body was swollen and I found it difficult to move around freely. Even accomplishing mundane tasks, such as dressing myself, were nearly impossible. It didn't help that the weather was only growing hotter, and I never fared well in the heat. The hotter it got the crankier I became. In fact, I had pretty much become impossible to live with.

It wasn't that I wanted to be difficult and I wasn't doing it on purpose. I was just bored; extremely bored. Doctor-ordered bed rest, in theory, sounded like a wonderful idea. However, in reality, it got old quickly. Without the ability to move around on my own, my entertainment options were minimal. There was no amount of Netflix that would ease my boredom, and I'd finished my to-read list in less than a week.

To make matters worse, Jai had taken a leave of absence from our relationship. Though he never told me that's what he was intending to do. The week after my baby shower had been an awkward dance of finishing up the nursery and disastrous small talk. He was there in front of me, but I felt he was further away than he had been in Toronto. I knew once he got back on the plane to film things were going to change.

Of course, I had been right. Once he was back in Toronto it was as if I didn't exist in his world. The only connection I had with him was through second handed social media. It hurt to see his smiling face in pictures with the cast. Each woman he spent time with was suddenly a new threat to my relationship.

After trying to reach him for over a week with no response back, I stopped. For a reason unbeknownst to me, Jai wanted nothing to do with myself or Jellybean. He didn't ask about my weekly doctor appointments or send flowers anymore. He couldn't even be bothered to send a quick text message. In the past he would get busy but always manage to check on me. And by the looks of it he had plenty of time to spare.

"You're just torturing yourself," Mae said, closing the screen on my laptop.

I sighed, "It's not torture. It's investigation. Since I can't afford a private detective I have to do this on my own."

"What are you hoping to find?" She asked.

To be honest, I was hoping to find out all of my worst fears were wrong. I wanted to wake up and find he was professing his love for me throughout Toronto. Or at the very least I'd hoped he had shut himself away in hotel room with depression. That would have made me worry, but I could do something about it. If he was depressed I could have called in a therapist or had his mother talk to him. But who could you call when you feared your boyfriend was over you?

"I don't even know," I answered, tossing the laptop to the side. "You know if I caught him kissing someone else then I could break it off. But this is just annoying behavior. Not grounds for a breakup."

She sat silently.

"You think I should break up with him?"

"That's not what I said," She argued.

I rolled my eyes, "No you just refused to answer."

"Amelia, I don't know why he is doing this. Since the beginning of all of this he has been very proactive and helpful. So this sudden indifferent behavior is odd."

"You think I don't know that?"

She sighed, "I think you know it very well, but you're allowing him to get away with it."

"Yeah well, there's not exactly much I can do at this point," I argued. "He won't answer my phone calls or texts. He's completely unreachable by any other means, and I can't exactly haul ass on a plane right now to demand an answer. I'm stuck."

"You could get unstuck."

Mae said it, as if getting unstuck was simple. Being unstuck, for me, meant having a conversation with Jai and figuring things out. There was simply no way of doing that unless he was willing to pick up the phone, which he wasn't.

I scoffed, "Oh? And how do I do that?"

"You call him..."

"He won't answer."

"And tell him that you're changing the locks. That he's not welcome back home until he cleans up his act. If he wants to be in your life, in Jellybean's life then he needs to stop dicking around."

I shrugged, "Isn't that being just a bit drastic?"

"Sure, but so is parading yourself around Toronto as if you don't have another life elsewhere."

With a groan, I took a bite of the sandwich she carried up for me. "I don't understand any of this. He's been acting weird for awhile now, and it's just getting worse. Something is wrong. This behavior is not like him at all."

"He doesn't like a good party?"

"Yes he likes a good party, he enjoys drinking with his friends. But it's not like him to just disappear on me. Not once since I've known him has he ever not called or texted me back. It's like he's purposefully ignoring me."

"Because he's too busy partying with his friends and being an immature asshole."

I shook my head. "It's got to be deeper than that. He's running away from me. I think he's afraid of all of this. Me, the baby, the new house it's all becoming too much for him. I knew this would happen. I should have just done this all on my own like I planned to, but he seemed like he really wanted this."

Mae laid back on the bed, and looked over at me. "Maybe he just didn't know what he was getting himself into. Or maybe he watched that birthing video and changed his mind."

I couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sure any father who watched the birthing video changed their mind. It made me change my mind."

"I wish I could drag him back here by the balls for you. But no matter what happens, it's you who has the power. Yes he's making you feel shitty because of what he is doing, but you control whether this relationship is still on or not."

***

That night after Mae went to bed, I set out to write an email to Jai. We'd never emailed each other before, never had the need to. But what I had to say was too long for his overcrowded inboxes. Draft after draft none of them felt right. My words were too soft or too harsh, and never exactly what I intended them to be. Finally, around 3 in the morning, I settled on something that I felt was fair.

Dear Jai,

Just a few months ago we were in Toronto together, discussing plans for our future.

Today we've never been further apart.

There are a million questions I want to ask you. A million thoughts running through my head about who we are now. I've tried calling several times, though I'm sure you know that. Does it annoy you that I'm not just dropping it? That I'm not just going away?

That used to be my style. Pretending as if the things I loved didn't matter. Pretending I could move on easily from hurtful situations. We both know I'm not the same girl I was 36 weeks ago. I've changed. So no, I'm not walking away that easily. Not yet.

I want an answer to our future. I want to know where we stand. I don't want an email back, though. You need to be a man and take responsibility for your actions in person. I want you here at our front door explaining yourself, though I make no promises to accept your answer. And I make no promises the locks will even work for you.

I hope you'll do the right thing.

Sincerely,

Amelia

Love did not feel the right way to end the letter. Though I did love him, he didn't deserve it at the moment. He deserved to feel as deflated as I did.

After I proof read the letter a million times, I finally hit send. There would be no way to know when he got it, or if he even read it. Limbo seemed to be my only option.

Whether the email was successfully delivered and viewed, I had no way of knowing. There was no response the next day, and as far as I was concerned if a response came any time afterward, it was 24 hours too late.