Paying for His Mistakes Watty Awards 2012

Chapter 1

All chapters are unedited.

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Sarah POV.

I don't know how long I stood there. Unable to move I just stared at the woods, watching the leaves fall to the ground. I tried to figure out what exactly bothered me by the tranquil picture. Usually, I loved the woods. Especially in the fall. There was something about the way the world turned to shades of gold and red. As a child I use to believe it was Gods way of making the trees change their clothes.

As I grew older, I use to lie down in the middle of the forest and watch the leaves slowly descend to earth. For a minute I felt like I was suspended in a moment in time. The forest in the fall was my place of peace.

Yet standing here, looking towards it, I couldn't help but feel wrong. Instead of feeling joy, I felt a strange sense of displacement. I stood there, my cheeks frozen from the cold, my fingers numb. Still I couldn't figure out what had disturbed me. It was only when I saw some pack members running in the distance, chasing a deer that it hit me.

I hadn't shifted in months.

When my mother died, I was too consumed with grief to go out. Then when my dad left I was too busy working to go for a run in the woods. Just when things begun to settle, Conrad rejected me. Since then I was too shattered to function, let alone think about changing into my wolf to run.

I frowned, confused by the erosion of my life.

How exactly had things become so messed up? One minute I was a normal teenage with awesome parents and the next I was living in some dingy apartment, my dad gone and my mother in the grave. Still it wasn't that bad. I mean, I always thought that things would work out somehow. I just knew that it was bad for a moment but not permanent. Not anymore. Not since Conrad.

After he rejected me as his mate, it took me two weeks to return to some state of normalcy. Physically at least. The force that Conrad had used when he choked me was so strong my vocal cords were damaged in the process. At first, I could barely speak. It took three days for my voice to return and when it did it sounded harsher, deeper and would sporadically break. I feared the damage was permanent. In some way, it was a perfect representation of what my life had become.

My boss gave me a week off to recover. For two days, I laid in my bed crying, replays of his rejection playing over and over in my mind. The hate, disgust and anger on his face cause me to shudder in fear. The thought that my own mate wanted me dead solidified the feelings that the pack had towards me. Since then, I knew that my life wasn't worth anything in the eyes of my pack. The fact that it stemmed from my mate devastated me.

On the third day of recovery I could no longer stand to be alone in my head. I went back to work, much against the wishes of my boss. Concerned for my health he tried to force me to stay home, but I couldn't. When I was alone, I had nothing left to focus on but the ruins of my life. I had no home, no family and no money. Even my name was worthless.

My dreams where gone and my love had crushed me.

After two months I realized that the heartache wasn't going away. I thought time would heal my wounds, but Conrad was sleeping around. His lack of discretion resulted in him not bothering to put up a mental wall. At random moments of the day, I would suddenly feel him, being with someone. I would get images of him and her, feel his delight of being with her and actually see him smirking at me.

It's no wonder the heartbreak was still as fresh and raw as the day it occurred. I thought I could push through, but I wasn't so sure anymore. The truth about any heartbreak is that it didn't just hurt and pass. The reality was that it ripped apart the beliefs I had. It crumbled the foundations of my hopes. It forced me to question my very being, my identity, worth and value. I was weighed, my suitability of mate was measured and my worth to the pack was calculated. I was found lacking in everything. The effect that it had on me was profoundly terrifying.