Chapter 3 Cheryl's POV
still 3 weeks ago
'I'm sorry' the first words she say since arriving.
'What?' I say trying to play dumb even though I know what she means.
'Cheryl...I'm so sorry' as she continues to look at her hands. I attempt to hold her hand to get her to look at me but I get no response. Instead she continues her speech, the one I aasume she was practicing while sat out side my house.
She takes a deep breath, 'Please let me say what I need to or I'm afraid you'll make it harder than this already is.'
Silence. Its only now that she looks at me for some sign of agreement. I plan on agreeing but I hold her stare longer than necessary, to capture what I feel will be my last chance to truly look into her blue eyes. I give a slight nod as I see a single tear fall. As soon as I agree her eyes immediatley focus back on her hands.
Silence. She's hesitating, maybe she is having second thoughts about shattering me. No such luck, as I become slightly hopeful she begins to speak.
' Cheryl I love you so much...but... I can't do this anymore, its just not fair...'
' NOT FAIR?' I interrupt already disregarding my agreement to just listen.
' ...to Justin.' she says to finish her previous statement.
Hurt and confusion quickly turn to anger as silence lingers in the air once again. I left my husband for her. In her defense he wasn't the greatest of husbands but that doesn't change the fact that I did it for her. I can go the process of a divorce but she can't simply tell Justin,its over.
If I wasn't so angry I'd be crying at this point. I can't decide if I want her reasons or I want her out of my sight.
'WHAT THE FCUK KIMBERLEY?' comes out at a much higher volume than intended.
'Cheryl I...'
'YOU WHAT KIMBERLEY?' I interrupt. She looks hurt but I can't seem to care. Surprised by my sudden calmness I continue 'On second thought Kim, don't speak. I know what you're thinking and I don't need your reasons. Don't tell me cuz it hurts. Please don't tell me cuz it hurts.'
With that said I walk to stairs only stopping to say ' I love you' before retreating up and to my bedroom. I sit on the bed knees to chest with arms wrapped around seeking some kind of comfort. I''m sitting waiting for her to either come up and save us or leave and destroy us. I don't know how long I've been waiting but it seems i have nodded off because the sound of the door closing on our relationship woke me up. Finally the tears begin to flow. I didn't want her to see me break.
'Our memories, they can be inviting
But some are altogether mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands, I sit and cry' - My last thoughts before slipping into a restless sleep.
Chapter 4 Kim's POV
'Im so sorry' is the first thing I say to her. How pathetic is that one look in her eyes moments ago at the door and all the words fly out of my head. I vaguely hear her ask a question probably what or why. I'm to busy trying to remember anything I've prepared to register the question. I try to begin again but all i can muster is another weak apology. I stare at my hands as if they'll magically tell me the words I lost moments ago. She tries to hold my hand but I don't react, I can't react. Then by some miracle it comes flooding back.
'Please let me say what I need to or Im afraid you'll make it harder than it already is.' How fcuked up is this, im asking her to make it easier for me to break her heart. She says nothing, so I look for her to acknowledge. I feel myself getting lost in the intensity of her gaze. I feel a part of me die inside by the look of hurt in her eyes. A single tear escapes my eye only then does she nod and return my focus to my hands. Damn those eyes. My resolve is fading as I stare at my hands in silence. It has to come out now we're beyond the point of no return I think.
'Cheryl I love you so much...but...I can't do this anymore, its just not fair...'
'Not fair?' she spits out. So much for just listening. At this point I'm sure she knows exactly what I mean '...to Justin' i clarify.
Silence. I'm not sure whether to look at her or continue with my break-up speech.
'WHAT THE FCUK KIMBERLEY' echoes through the room just as I'm about to explain.
'Cheryl I...'
'YOU WHAT KIMBERLEY?' she says with such malice. My Cheryl would never be like this. The magnitude of my decision quickly hits me like a ton of bricks, she's not my Cheryl anymore and never wil be again. I'm snapped out of my thought by the sudden change in atmosphere, Calmly she says 'Kim don't speak...' I thought she wanted and explanation. I only have a moment to dwell on this as she continues to talk ' I know what you're thinking and I don't need your reasons. Don't tell me cuz it hurts. Please don't tell me cuz it hurts.'
I understand it all. She doesn't want me to see her break. Too consumed in my thoughts I don't notice she is no longer beside me. I hear a faint 'I love you' as she disapperas up the stairs. What have I just done? I'm sat on the sofa for another 15 minutes quietly sobbing and silently debating on going up stairs or leaving. I walk to the bottom of the stairs but can't find the will to climb them. I can't leave it like this. She has to know why. I retreive pen and paper before sitting down to write the hardest thing I've ever had to write. I need to tell her everything well almost everything. The words and reasons unspoken flow freely.
Cheryl,
I don't deserve you. For weeks I've been feeling guilty about us. What we had makes me no better than Ashley. I witnessed
firsthand how utterly destroyed you were when you discovered his infidelity. I can't be the person that does that to Justin.
He loves me and I can't do this to him. I can't go another day being a hypocrite, i hate myself for it. I let my head beat my
heart and am sorry you got hurt in the process. I don't know if this is selfish but I hope we can still be friends.
Love Always,
Kimberley
I don't have the heart to tell her the most important reason behind our downfall. I think one bombshell a night is my limit. I put the letter on the table and head for the door. Opening the door I turn back to look at the place of many happy memories for one last time. I take one more look at the sofa that is now tainted by the events of tonight. I leave closing the door on us.
