50 Shades Gayer

War, what is it good for (absolutely nothing)

"Alright, men," Blue said, at the top of a tree and holding her Miraculous Magical Megaphone, "we're gonna suit up for war against Pinkie Pie."
"Excuse you, we're not all men here," The Dolorosa said, holding Mindfang, who had her watermalone boobs out, in the air.
"Put her down before you kill her!" Jasper ordered.
"If I fall, I'll land on my boobs, which are so big, I'll have adequate cushioning." Mindfang said.
"Let me check that!" Jasper said, running over to examine the cushioning. As he did, Mindfang purred in arousal and said, "Can I fuck the other one now?"
"Absolutely not!" Jasper said. "Despite us dating, she's more into girls, and I'm more into guys."
Nico screamed happily.
Kay sighed.
All of a sudden, there was a squa through the trees.
The Very Innocent Ruby flew out of the trees- and onto Mindfang's watermalone boobs!
Mindfang purred again in arousal. Blue facepalmed.
"Ok, this is getting wild. Blue, it's time. Summon the mighty Fabian!" Jasper cried as he readied his magically appearing when plot convenient arrows.
Blue nodded.
"Come on, Kat and Meenah." She said, grabbing both girls by their hair. "We need to summon the Sexy Scottish One."
Back in the battle, Twilight Sparkle charged full force into Cara's ass. Cara had turned around to watch for the mighty Fabian of legend.
"I do not consent to this penetration!" Cara screamed.
"Fuck you, bitch ass hoe!" Twilight said.
"Stop right there! That is horn rape, my friend." Kankri screamed, running over.
"But aren't you, by using the term so loosely, invalidating real survivors?" Twilight asked, removing her horn from Cara's rectum.
"Ummmmm...." Kankri became so nervous that he began to sweat a puddle around his feet.
"Then you are the real scum!" Twilight stabbed Kankri in the rectum with an actual knife.
"Twilight, what the fuck are you doing?" Jesse said, coming upon the scene.
"Well, I saw on 1000 Ways To Die that this kills a man." Twilight said.
Cara screamed bloody ass murder.
"That show is fake, my pone." Jesse said, removing the knife from Kankri's anal cavity.
Kankri ran off, screaming like the little shit he is.
"Goddammit, we lost him!" Jesse said.
Meanwhile, Fluttershy was terrified of attacking. She whimpered, drawing the attention of the Condescension.
"Come here, My Little Pony. You're the perfect pet for my Feferi." Condi said, pulling a lasso out of her boobs.
Fluttershy screamed and screamed, but Condi had already taken her hostage.
Vriska had also found a pony to her disliking.
"Excuse me, you're ugly as fuck." Vriska said, grabbing Rarity by the tail. "You can't even wear eyeliner right."
"You want to go, bitch?" Rarity said.
She kicked Vriska in the face.
"The future is bulletproof. The aftermath is secondary. It's time to do it now and do it loud. Spiders, make some noise!" Vriska screamed.
An army of spiders came from the sky and ruined Rarity's weave.
"Oh my god, how dare you, you little shit! I'll slap your gray flank into next year with the power of generosity!"
Rarity stabbed Vriska's eye with a mascara pen.
Vriska shrieked. Mindfang tossed her magical eye-patch glasses.
Vriska's eye fell out of her head, and she threw it at Rarity.
"Ooh, I can use this in an outfit!" Rarity said, and she walked away.
Vriska flipped her off.