I sit bolt upright in my bed. Out of breath and sweaty with the blankets thrown from my body. I silence my screams as my eyes begin to water. Once again my dreams have overcome my need to sleep. As tears stream down my cheeks I try with all my effort to not make a sound. I sit there for somewhere around an hour choking on my own tears. I look beside me and see my love laying calmly and quietly on the bed next to me, asleep. I've seen her about a million times and every time I find something else I love about her. Tonight was the same. I go outside and sit on the front porch. The sky is pitch black and I leave the lights off, as I have a fascination with the darkness. The night sky is beautiful as always. I pull from my pocket the sanity that I need and the tools to use it. I fit everything together and flick the ignition as the spark briefly brightens the sky and the steady flame illuminates my desires. I hear the quiet flickering of the burning plant as I inhale the sweet beauty of addiction. The door slowly creaks open behind me as an angel pokes her head out from behind the door. She joins me on the steps, laying her head on my shoulder.
"Rough night?" she asks with a voice that slowly melts my heart every time I hear it.
"Yeah." I answer in a broken voice on the verge of whispers. I look at her and she kisses my lips and rests her hand on mine and gives me a reassuring look. I know she's there for me. She always has been. I smile at her and wrap my arm around her as her head falls on my chest. We sit there, staring out into oblivion until we almost fall asleep. This is my favorite part of the day. After all the madness of the day, after the nightmares and anxiety attacks... This. Everything I love all at the same time. The woman of my dreams in my arms under the beautifully clear night sky and a pipe in my hand. I've had some amazing days and some horrible ones that make me appreciate the good ones. But the best moment is and will always be:
Right now.
