Saddle up

Chapter Ten

The second I opened my eyes, my head began to throb.

"Ahh!", I winced as I sat up in bed. Something cold and wet fell into my lap and I realized it was a wash cloth that must have been on my forehead.  I looked around and realized I was in Brant's empty bed again.

'What the hell..' I thought to myself. Was last night all just a big dream? I noticed a pile of my clothes that I wore to the party in the corner of the room and knew that it all happened. I didn't remember much of the party except the noises right before I blacked out. What was still very vivid in my mind, however, was Brant by the fire, talking to Kelsey. Anger started to wash over me again as I climbed out of bed.

The clothes from the party were all damp and smelled funny, so I had to dig out Kelsey's old box of clothes from the closet to find something to wear. 'Great', I thought. 'Icing on the cake.'

I chucked something on and made my way to the kitchen where Brant was sitting at the table sipping on some coffee and watching the news on the tiny tv sitting on the counter. I saw my phone face down on the table and I cleared my throat to get his attention. Brant immediately switched the tv off, jumped up, and moved towards me.

"Hey there..., he said softly. How are ya feelin'"

"I'm just fine.", I said as I moved past him, snatched my phone up, and tucked it into my pocket before heading to the door and slipping my shoes on.

"Hey..wait, what's up with you?", Brant said, catching my arm before I could make it out the front door.

I pulled away immediately. "Don't touch me!" I nearly shouted, tears blurring my vision once more.

"Hey...jesus, Jess. What's going on?" Brant tried to move towards me again but I pulled away once more.

When I had myself composed enough to speak, I looked up at Brant and found the same expression as the night before when we were making love. The one I couldn't identify.

"I heard you last night...talking to Kelsey...telling her how sorry you were for sleeping with me... I didn't want anything more than what you did, Brant. If I'd of known that you would have regretted having sex with me so much I would have never gone that far. I'm never going to be Kelsey, and I'm sorry for that, but how could you say what you said to me yesterday, then make love to me like you actually gave a shit..." The tears were falling now and I covered my face so Brant wouldn't see.

"Jess..." I felt Brant's strong arms wrap around me and pull me away from the door. I tried to fight him, but I felt so weak and exhausted from the night before and, if I was being totally honest with myself, I craved this man's touch. He placed me in a chair and pulled his up right in front of me, grabbed my hand from my face, and kissed it.

I cried harder. Brant waited patiently for my sobs to subside before speaking.

"Jess, what I told you in the yard yesterday...I meant EVERY word of it. I like you for YOU, not for the Kelsey similarities. I would never lie about something like that. And last evening....god, it was incredible. I don't regret it for a second..."

I cut in before he could continue... "Then why were you apologizing to Kelsey, and saying you didn't know what to do...?"

Brant looked down at his feet and shook his head. "Jess, I talk to Kelsey often...I tell her everything. I told her about the first day that I met you. I knew I was going to fall for you, and I couldn't help but feel like I was betraying Kelsey everyday that I thought about you. Jess, when Kelsey died, I made a promise to her at her grave that I'd never see another woman again..." He paused and swallowed hard.
"I just...I couldn't control myself around you, and believe me, I wanted you yesterday, all of you. I enjoyed every second with you...but after when you fell asleep and I was alone, I was overwhelmed with SO much guilt, that I had to talk to Kelsey about it. I had to tell her that I was sorry for breaking my promise... When you flew out of here yesterday I was so confused. I tried calling and calling, but then I remembered your phone was out back. So I followed you...when I made it to your house, and couldn't find you but saw your car was in the drive, I knew you must have been at that damn party...and..." Brant trailed off and a look of rage took over his face...it was then that I noticed a scuff on his cheek and a small cut on his lower lip...

I reached for his face..."what happened to you..."

Brant took a deep breath before continuing..."So I started towards the house across the street when I heard some noise from somewhere in the yard. I saw your ex and you kissing against his truck...I was so confused and pissed, I was about to head back towards my truck...but then I heard you tell him no and try to push him away, and he wasn't listening. I could see that you could barely hold yourself up, and he was taking advantage of you...I snapped. I just remember pulling him off of you, and he took a swing at me, so I hit him...hard. He hit the truck and we scuffled a bit, but then you hit the ground and we both quit. Can you believe that jackass actually wanted to take you back to his place? Ha!" ,Brant scoffed. "I said why, so you can take advantage of her again??Then the cops showed up and I carried you to my truck and we got the hell out of there....Jess I'm so sorry that you thought I regretted what happened yesterday...I swear, it was perfect. It was just that promise I made. But when you tore off last night, Izzy actually came from her hut and started to carry on like I've never seen before...she ran down the pasture after your car and than came back to me at the edge of the fence and started dancing around  as to say, "Go get her!" I knew it was a sign from Kelsey...

I didn't know what to say...I was dealing with a whirlwind of emotions. I felt stupid for taking off last night instead of talking to Brant. I felt giddy because Brant admitted he was falling for me, and I felt rage because of what Cole had tried to pull at that party. I only had myself to blame for getting into a situation that I couldn't control, but I was so grateful that Brant was there to save me. I stood up from my chair, sat down in Brant's lap, and wrapped my arms around his neck. Brant hugged me back and we remained this way for some time until we heard Chase's truck pull in.

I stood up and wiped the tears from my face. "Do you mind if I get a shower here?", I asked.

Brant smiled sweetly, "Of course not", he said before getting up and making his way to the door.

"Brant..."

He stopped and looked at me, that expression again...'what was it'...

"Thank you.", I said, hugging myself as a cool morning breeze came in through the screen.

"Jess, you don't have to thank me. I'm just happy I got there when I did. My job is to protect you." With that Brant was out the door and off towards the barn.

I climbed into the scalding stream of water and sighed. A nice hot shower seemed to solve a lot of things. I'm not sure how long I was in there for, but when I finished My hands and feet were prune like. I wrapped my hair in a towel and dressed in some more of Kelsey's clothes.

I threw my clothes in along with the last load of darks and went out to take the clothes off the line from yesterday. I heard Brant and Chase laughing and carrying on from the barn and I smiled. I heard a noise to my left and looked to see Izzy standing at the fence staring at me. I placed the rest of the clothes in the basket and slowly approached her. She didn't move away from the fence as she normally would. She stood her ground and waited for me to reach her. I put my hand out to her and she let me touch her. I stood there awhile petting her and whispering to her. I looked up to the sky and whispered a "thank you". Just than Izzy tore off into the field and and ran around and around, calling to all the other horses. I laughed and watched her in amazement.

Izzy ran down to the far end of the pasture, still carrying on. I was still watching her when I noticed Cole's old pickup come around the bend.

"Oh no...", I whispered as he neared the barn.