The Bucket List

Chapter One

It took six months for Josh to die. The doctors had said he would have three months at the most before the tumour took over completely and he would lose the battle, but it took six months for him to die. What had started as a cough turned out to be cancer, and it had spread like wildfire. When it finally reached his brain, they knew that the battle was done. 'Inoperable' – what an awful word, so final, so hopeless.

Leah had watched him suffer in agony, and some days he didn't even know who she was, but he wouldn't give in, he was determined to reach his 30th birthday, and through sheer stubbornness, he made it. It was a Monday, the 4th May, (Star Wars day as Josh liked to joke), a bank holiday, and the weather was glorious. The sun was shining through the windows, and Leah set up a few tables and chairs in the garden decorated with balloons and food for the guests.

It felt like a thousand people turned up, and Josh was over the moon, he was lucid and he was happy, which was rare as the cancer took over more of his body. Everybody was in good spirits, and they danced and socialised. They ate, they drank, they enjoyed the day as though it was any other normal birthday - except at the back of everybody's mind they knew that it wasn't. There was a strange feeling in the air, something lurking in the background, hiding in the trees, reminding them all that this would be the last birthday Josh ever had, and for some, probably the last time they would see him. Ever. For some, it was as though they were attending his wake, except that he was there to say one final goodbye.

Josh died three days later on May 7th 2015 it was a Thursday - she  didn't like Thursdays anymore.

Leah awoke and peeled the pillow from her cheek, her tears had glued the cotton to her face, and she realised she had cried herself to sleep again. She turned over and looked at the alarm clock, 11:47am, she'd managed to sleep nearly the entire morning away, which wasn't surprising considering that she remembered wandering around the house at 4am looking for something. She was always searching nowadays, it seemed like she spent hours roaming through the apartment, searching for him, anything of him, but she knew she wouldn't find him, and obviously she never did.

She rolled over, and heard a crunching noise as she lifted her legs out of the bed. An empty crisp packet was stuck to the back of her thigh, another nod to the middle of the night wanderings. Tossing it to one side, she stood up and stretched, and yawning, she laughed, "You're yawning so wide you'll swallow the earth" Josh used to say. He used to joke that she had a massive gob, and after she had managed to fit eight jaffa cakes in one night as a challenge, she kind of had to agree with him there. She thought of his laugh, and the way he would laugh so hard that he stopped making a noise, he simply inhaled and exhaled rapidly, his messy brown hair flopping around on top of his head, his gleaming blue eyes filling with tears. Leah's eyes began to fill with tears as she thought of him, and she wiped her cheek to stop them falling from her face.

The phone rang, and the shrill noise pulled her back into reality; she shuffled across the floor to answer. Picking up the phone she had barely pressed the answer button when she heard a familiar voice booming out,

"Leah, are you up yet? Of course you're up, you've answered the phone, I mean this is you isn't it? Or is this the answer machine. Oh shit, I think I'm talking to the answer machine, anyw-"

"It's me, I'm up" Leah interjected before the rambling continued, "What's up Kat?"

"What's up with me? What's up with you? I haven't seen you in forever, and last time I did see you your hair looked like, like..." What affectionate insult would she come out with this time? "like it was scared of your face and was trying to escape, I'm worried about you babes."

"I'm fine," Leah lied, she lied every time she answered the phone, it was always the same answers, yes I'm eating, yes I'm fine. They were always lies.

"I know you're not fine, and I'm coming over today, you need to get out of the apartment, it's been nearly four weeks, and you need to get some fresh air, it will do you good." Leah opened her mouth to object, but Kat sensed it, "and don't even tell me you will go out later on your own, we both know you won't. I will be at yours in thirty minutes. Get dressed."

Click. The phone went dead. Damn it, now she had to brush her hair, find some clean clothes, and actually face the world. Kat wouldn't let her get away with saying no, not now; she had heard the determination in her voice.

As Leah switched on the shower, she turned and faced the mirror – her jaw dropped. Was this really what she looked like? How long had it been since she looked in the mirror? Her cheeks were hollowed and her hair a complete mess, it stuck to her head where it hadn't been washed in what must have been at least a week. She had black circles around her eyes, and large black smudges from eyeliner that she didn't even remember applying. Maybe Kat was right; maybe it would do her good to get out.

Pulling on jeans and a baby blue jumper, she quickly dried her hair and pulled it up into a loose bun, 'casual but cute', Josh used to call it. She smiled as she applied her eyeliner thinking of how he used to moan about how she could do her hair within seconds, but her make up took her hours. Hearing a knock at the door, she was pulled back to the present moment and went to let Kat in.

Kat looked amazing, she always did. Her hair was naturally jet black, and it fell perfectly straight at her shoulders. Leah had always envied the way Kat could look effortlessly beautiful. She was wearing a denim skirt and white tank top, which showed of her hour glass figure in a very flattering way. Making her way inside, Leah watched her eyes scan around the living room; the empty pizza boxes and Chinese cartons, the empty crisp bags and crumbs on the floor; the crumpled up tissues thrown around the room. Watching Kat look around, made her look around, and it really was a mess.

"Well, it looks like shit in here love." Never one to mix her words, Kat smiled, and opened the living room window, "Smells like feet too!" They both laughed. "Right, let's go then, I can't stay in here, it's like a crazy old cat ladies house." She smiled, she wasn't judging Leah, she didn't care about mess, and she would be there regardless.

Leah pulled on her comfy black converse shoes and followed Kat out of the door. She really did love that girl, even with all the insults.