Wallflower

Chapter One

Wednesday 28th June 2016

Dear friend,

I am writing to you because she told me to and that you might listen and understand me. Please don't try to figure out who I am. If you do find out who I am well this is the real me and not the fake one that I portraying to everyone. I don't want you to find out who I am.

I just need to know that someone is out there and they understand me, I want your trust, love and happiness as I have none of that. I need to know that people that are the opposite of me still exist, their hope hasn't been taken away from them; that is because we live in a fucked up world with fucked up people. There's nothing else I can say about that.

~

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

I try to think of my family as a reason for me being this way, especially after my friend Bellamy stopped going to school one day last spring and we all heard Miss Karnstein voice on the loudspeakers.

"Boys and girls, I regret to inform you that one of our students Bellamy Blake has passed away. We will be holding a memorial service on Friday's assembly"

Friday came quickly a wide range of us where picked by the guidance counselors to say some words and I was one for them. There was about 17 people who was selected.

One girl called Costia who is nice to everyone said that she was very sad, but could never kill himself because it's an sin.

Will who was crazy said that he thought of about suicide when commercial come on TV. He was being serious and this confused the counselors.

This one guidance counselors went through the whole group of names and finally came to me.

"What do you think, Clarke?"

Whats so strange about this was the fact that I had never met this man because he was a 'specialist' and he knew my name even thought I wasn't wearing a name tag like everyone else.

"Well, I think that Bellamy was a nice guy and I don't understand why he did it. As much as I feel sad. I think that not knowing is what really bothers me"

No one liked Bellamy and I was his only friends. I cried when Miss karnstein told everyone that he passed away. I screamed at the counselor when she told me that he might had "problems at home" and had no one to talk to. That's probably why he felt all alone and killed himself. That was the wrong thing to say to me.

I started to scream even more to the guidance counselors that Bellamy could of talked to me. And I started to cry even harder until they rang my mother to take me home.

For the next 3 days I didn't move from my bed I just layed there looking at my white wall and thinking about how we all put a show on for everyone but in reality we are sad little humans, maybe he died happily that night his suffering has stopped.

Yu gonplei ste odon

Translation: Your fight is over