For Better Or Worse (Doctor Who Fanfiction)

Waking Up

Trigger warning: references to past suicide attempt, and past child abuse.

It had been several hours since Jack had fallen asleep next to the Doctor after saving his life, and the feat was still being processed in Jack's mind. Fuck, the Doctor is going to be so confused. I'm so confused. But waking up from death? It's pretty shocking the first time. Really, it's shocking every time but at least you have experience. What's more shocking is that I, Jack Harkness, a good for nothing Time Agent, saved the Time Lords. How's that for a résumé?

He was snapped from his concerned and boasting thoughts when he heard a groan next to him. The Doctor was waking up, and this arrangement would be hard to explain, what with Jack asleep next to him in his pajamas. And that the Doctor had been dead. Can't forget about that.

"Good morning Doc, how are you feeling?" Jack inquired, scrutinizing every detail of his face, hoping that every line and crease would tell him the answers he needed to know. Why had he done this? Why didn't he tell me? Why did I let him find me? Why did I leave him alone? Fuck! There's so much that never should have happened, it's all my fault. When he's ok, I'll leave him with someone good for him, like Martha. Then I'll travel back to the end of the universe and leave him be. It's all my fault.

"Jack? Why the Hell are you in my bed, in my pajamas? And why the Hell am I alive?" The Doctor went from confused to frustrated as he the situation registered in his mind. "Why couldn't you have left me to die? Dammit Jack! I was doing you a favor, and you ruined it!" The Doctor raged and leered at Jack, who shrunk into himself more.

Just like in the Boeshane. I really am just a pathetic tool. I did something I thought was right for once, and ended up fucking it to the point of no return. Stupid bastard! Just leave him alone. Without realizing it, Jack began to cry again. His walls were long gone, all shields demolished. He was destroyed.

"This is your fault, Jack. I was just trying to help you. Why can't you let me help you? I...Jack, I need space. Get out," the Time Lord demanded, "and don't come back." The words were blatantly cruel. The Doctor knew as soon as they exploded from his lips, and he regretted them, but he wasn't being his normal logical self.

The words hit Jack like a punch to the jaw. He sat up and silently slid out of the bed, completely frozen. This was all too familiar. The words kept battering him, sometimes the Doctor's, sometimes his father's, sometimes his own. If he went back to that room, there's no way he'd be able to leave. He had to go. He had to get out. Jack's body couldn't die, but his mind could. And it did.

A/N: sorry this chapter is so short, just wanted to get a feel for how I'm taking this fic. Feedback is always important!