Whats In My Last Journal

Always changing

Im always changing . My family was me but now its six strangers. My hair once dark brown now a mess of blonde, orange,brown. My eyes, one moment blue, the next green hold secrets I'll never tell. I'm always changing from a city of parties and games to a city of rain and school, I bury my nose in a book to hide from public eye but ; like I'm really reading. My skin a pale tan under my various outfits from boho to emo my mood is neglected its about the others . I'm always changing my mother says long pleated skirts and textbooks while my heart longs for my beat up supras and ripped skinny jeans , skateboard in hand .My mask replaced day after day , new face after new face .I'm always changing , thrown into a blue minivan to a sleepover I dread , longing for the comfort of the worn down couch watching a tired , worn out soul stay up late into the night playing video games of struggles and wars a never lasting battle. Yet this lost soul took me in only to let me run from myself. I'm always changing from deep talks of college and careers to simple, absent minded nonsense. I prefer the imperfect but despise myself for I am always in front of my mirror late at night wondering "what's wrong with me ?" I'm always changing from good to bad , light to dark , her to me . why do people hate her ?, because she's not me but I'm trapped in a small crate , gagged and bound endlessly screaming for help but no one comes. By morning though I have a new face, name but same objective.

I'm always changing , I believe in the honest truth but , never open my mouth . if you willingly put yourself in my life I refuse to let you drown even if I am myself. I get angry, I throw stuff but if you decide to open your mouth instead of listening I will throw cold , harsh reality in your face. I'm always changing don't fight it because I will make sure you see it . don't ask me to stay because I won't. Push me away and I'll push you away harder, stay and I'll be threatened. I believe the cold and trust no one, for everyone leaves and any hope leads to disappointment because every bodies mouth only tells stories of lies and deception.