Blink Back To Let Me Know -Brallon-

Chapter 23

I give up at 7:30 and wake Brendon up. There is absolutely no use pretending I might fall back asleep and more importantly, he is drooling on my chest and I have to pee; It's pretty much a lose-lose situation. He points and then laughs at the wet spot on my shirt that he left and I smack him on the ass as he makes his way into the kitchen. By the time I finish and saunter into the kitchen to find him, my pills and a glass of orange juice await me on the breakfast bar-just like every other morning. I groan and take them.

"I'm a big boy Brendon; I can take them by myself every morning. I tell you that every day." I cock my head to the side and look at him; almost like a dare. He isn't into playing fair though-well, he thinks he is. As he turns to get a coffee mug from the cupboard he says "I am aware of that however, after last night's conversation, and even though you promised you wouldn't stop cold turkey, I'd feel better doing it this way until we talk to your therapist tomorrow. Is that cool?" He makes sure that his eyes meet mine and that I am aware of how his stare is meant to bore directly into my soul.

He's such a little shit.

Honestly though, I wasn't expecting that. What I was expecting was a semi-snarky comment being that it's so early in the morning.

"Yeah, that's cool." My surrender is mostly under duress but, I am really just playing devil's advocate at this point. It's a studio day and we have a lot of things that need to be finished in the next few weeks. We haven't been back into the studio since I had a little meltdown and bitched at Spencer the other day. Spence and I are good terms of course but, I know it's in the back of Brendon's mind that something else could happen. I can tell by the way he is standing at the counter eyeing me thoughtfully. He picks his battles carefully in the mornings anyways but it seems as if he is erring on the side of overly cautious today.

"Did you get any sleep last night, babe?" He is biting his bottom lip, a telltale sign that he is anxious.

"Yeah, I got up at 4:45ish and talked to Bilvy for a little over an hour. I was trying to be quiet, sorry if I woke you up."

I walk over to him and pull him into me. My hands exploring the soft spot above his hips as he places a few soft kisses near the corner of my mouth.

"Nope. I didn't hear you until I got up to go to the bathroom. I came downstairs to bring you back to bed but you looked more comfy to sleep on." He teases. "I was right too!"

My hand slides slowly from his hip to the small of his back and his hip meets mine as I push him back toward the counter.

"Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Weekes? Your powers are useless against me."  He looks mildly amused and breathes out a small laugh.

"I would never!" My mouth meets his for an almost desperate kiss and I nip playfully at his bottom lip. I know what is bothering him. Even if he is trying to play it cool, he is just as transparent about some things as I am.

"Hey, B? Look at me?" He looks up at me through his lashes and takes a deep breath, "I am good, I promise I won't be bitchy to anyone today. Everything is going to be just fine, please stop worrying?"

His smile slowly fades and his gaze drifts downward towards the tile floor, "I am not worrying. I am just nervous about this song we're writing. I just want everything to be so perfect and I know that it's not going to be. I don't think I am ever going to get this right."

"It doesn't have to be perfect, Bren. You just have to be proud of it. You need to stop being so caught up in what you think the fans are going to like and start making it for you-for us. Write a song you are proud of, okay?"

He nods, resting his forehead on my shoulder and I draw him in even closer for a hug. I forget sometimes that other people get anxious and nervous too. It's like seeing a zoo animal walking down the middle of Fremont; completely out of their element and I know I shouldn't stare but, you do anyways. I still find it pretty odd that he is so nervous about this though.  He is usually so calm and collected-seeing him so vulnerable makes me feel even more like an asshole about everything.