July. »Jeon Jungkook«

P. 23

We were 18. We were fucking 18 years old.

So little and immature.

So cringe worthy.

So... So loving.

We weren't consumed by the darkness of this world.

We weren't drowned in the rotten waters of these dirty seas.

When I was little, I thought love was something so beautiful consisting only of happiness and joy.

I know. That was just a immature thought from a little child.

But even when I grew up, I still believed. To be honest, I just didn't want to realize how cruel this world was.

But you made me realize something that I didn't know.
Even if love is cruel and violent,
at the end, it makes me smile.

It makes me smile out of joy.
It makes me smile out of warmth.

It makes me smile out of those little tangly feelings you gave me.
It makes me smile from the fact that you were next to me.

Even when we fought, I smiled at the end of the day, because that proved we cared about each other. The smile was bittersweet, but I liked how it tasted in my mouth.

Now that I come to think of it, all my happiness was from you.

Even when I aced a test. The only reason I was so happy was because I could tell you. When I failed a test, you made me happy by telling me it was okay.

When I felt neglected and unwanted in my family, you came all the way from your house to kiss me and make me feel loved and wanted.

From the big parts like that to the little tiny 'i love you' text messages at night, you made me feel like a actual living person.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell you the same thing. Blame my shy personality.

But I do really love you.

I really really love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

You can blame me for everything that happened to you.

But just know my love for you will not change.

Just know that my love for you is unexplainable by words, or by actions, or by any objects that exist in this world.

I'm sorry I couldn't express my love.

I'm just not a very expressive person.

I didn't know how to express.

I was such a fool.

It was so simple. You did it all the time.

I don't know why it was so hard to tell you that

I
Love
You.