Dear Pain

Here follows a letter to Pain, Anger, Sorrow, Shame, Lies, Malcontent and Myself.

Dear Pain,

I know for the past eleven years you've had your grip on me so tight, but this year, you're going to lose it. This year, I'm growing stronger and smarter. I'm no longer going to put up with feeling so low that I can barely move. I will no longer allow myself to feel depressed. That feeling ends today. Pain, you've been a constant companion of mine, but it's time to let go of the past, and of the things happening in my future that are out of my control. It's time to trust God again. It's time to be that wild, carefree, spirited young girl again.

I will no longer live in the past.

oOo

Dear Anger,

At what point will you leave? Being angry at a life that I can't change isn't helping me achieve my goals in life. It's only bringing me down. If I'm not careful, I'm going to turn into one of those "Hate-the-World-and-every-living-Creature-in-it" sort of people. I refuse to be one of those people. I don't want to feel anger any more. I want to forgive the people who have, in a way, made me who I am now. I want to forgive them, because with out them, I wouldn't have realized what I wanted to do.

I will no longer hold Anger against my Father.

oOo

Dear Sorrow,

I know that life hasn't been easy, and that sometimes it's be cruel, but it'll get better. Life will get better. I promise. One day, you'll look back in the past and smile because you've overcome the heartache you felt. Right now, I know you're feeling low. I know you think no one in the world could ever feel the way you feel at the moment. You feel like you're the only person in time to have ever felt sorrow so deeply, but you're not. Do you remember Mary? She watched her son DIE on the cross for the sake of not only those alive in her time but for EVERYONE. What weight she must have felt on her shoulders that day. And the Holocaust. Remember that? Their sorrow was much greater than yours will ever be. So, sit up straight, wipe your tears and smile. You're still alive.

I will no longer live my life in Sorrow.

oOo

Dear Shame,

Life isn't that bad compared to millions of others peoples lives. What right do you have to feel Shame for your life? You should be smacked upside the head and have a good yelling at. Don't you EVER be disgusted with who you are. Do you not know you're beautiful? Doesn't it say in the Scripture that you are "fearfully and wonderfully made"? God does not create ugly people. You are beautiful, ever little piece of you. Your eyes, your smile, everything. Listen to me. I'm not lying. You are beautiful in the sight of God and in the eyes of Man. You are beautiful. I'll repeat it forever if I have to. You are beautiful.

I will no longer look in the mirror and think, "No one will ever love me. I'm too ugly."

Instead, I will look in the mirror, smile at my reflection and say to myself, "You are beautiful, love. Every little piece."

oOo

Dear Lies,

Quit knocking on my door already. I believed you for 17 years, but today it's going to stop. I no longer will believe you. My Mom and my sister DO love me. They will always love me. I AM wanted. I AM needed. I WILL follow my dreams. One day, I'm going to find this wonderful man who will love me for everything that I am and I'm not going to let him go. I won't believe your false words. One day, I'm going to travel the world. I'm going to have my cottage in Ireland. I'm going to have those two dozen kids. I will be a great mother. I will get my books published. I will live to be an old, gray woman with my husband.

I won't be like my father.

oOo

Dear Malcontent,

I know you aren't content with how your life is right now, but do you think that running around the world and leaving your past behind will make you content. Like Mama always says, "Wherever you are, that's where you are." You can run away, but the problems will still be there. The problem isn't where you are, but it's in your heart. So, before you leave on your grand adventures, you better sort out whatever is the matter in your heart before you leave. If you don't, you won't ever be content wherever you are. Being in America isn't the problem. I know you're hiding it deep, deep down, somewhere the light doesn't reach, but you've got to dig it up.

It's time to stop running from your problems. It's time to face them head on.

oOo

Dear Self,

I have spent seventeen years in your body, listening to the lies being whispered in your ears and watching you bury all your feelings deep inside. But, today, it's time to let it out. I know. You'll feel everything that you've been trying so hard to hide. It's time to tell the world how you really feel. These years are the ones that define who you are. So, open up your mouth, start talking, because before you know it, you'll be a bitter old woman with no children. It's time to stop acting like everything is okay, when you know it's not. You don't always have to be happy or wear that fake smile. People see right through it. I know you've been through Hell and back, but for God's sake, it's time to let it go. It's time to move on. It's time to stop hiding the person you are under that mask. I know, I know. It'll be hard. It's going to hurt. But it will be worth all the pain. I promise you, it will be worth it.

It's time to start living.

Love,

Me.