Mishaps and Adventures in Blood Gulch Outpost One

The newbie at Blood Gulch

"GRIIIIF!!"
Sarge yelled loudly across the base, looking everywhere for the chubby Hawaiian man. "GRIF!" "What the fuck is it, Sarge?" Grif came out of the showering area with a towel wrapped around his large waist.
     "Where's Simmons?" "I told you this a hundred fucking times, I don't know! Why don't you call HIM instead?" "But you were supposed to watch him!" "We went over this so many times. I. Do. Not. Give. A. Single. Shit."
    "Fine..." Sarge turned and walked only a few steps before yelling, "LOPEEEZ!" This was going to be a very, very long year.

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    Alexandria Holton stopped outside of the large structure. There was a red banner with a snake hanging on the outside. "This is... It. Red Base. Hope I make a good first impression..." She thought aloud. She fit her bushy black hair into her crimson red armor, so she could put her helmet on over it.
    She then heard yelling of unfamiliar names, then arguing between two men. "Hopefully that's a first time thing... I am pretty sure everyone here gets along fine," she said, but realized how stupid it sounded when she actually said it.
    These people do NOT sound like they get along fine.
    Simmons glanced outside through a hole in the wall posing as a window, seeing the new recruit outside. "Guys! Shut up and look!" He pointed out at her. Donut, while walking nearby, heard him and came over. "Hey dude, I think that's a girl!" "Really? How can you tell?" "By staring at her armor for the past second I noticed it was thin." "...It's a dude, definitely a dude. Maybe he's just underage or some shit like Grif's sister." "I heard that!" Grif shouted from the other side of the base. "I swear that man has some super powers sometimes, besides the power of hibernation..." Simmons whispered to Donut.
    "He has the power of super-sleep! I should know!" "Did you... Sleep with him? Gross!" "No I didn't," Donut replied quickly, almost defensively.
    "Hello? Anyone here that can show me around?" She asked, with her hands cupped around her mouth area (even if that is covered on her helmet). "Holy shit, I think it actually is a girl!" Simmons said, as he heard this. He stepped outside. "Hey! Over here!"
     Holton glanced over at Simmons's voice, seeing the tall man standing there. "Hey!" She called back. "Are you the Sergeant around here? I would like a tour!" "Uhm... No, I am not a Sergeant. You want Sarge. SARGE!" Simmons yelled. "What was that, Simmons?" Sarge said, coming out from around the corner. "Sarge, sir. Sorry sir." "Everyone loves a kiss-ass. Alright... Who is he?" "She," Holton corrected him. "Argh, whatever. Grif can show you around."
    "Hey, I heard my name mentioned!" "Grif, double time after you show our new guest around." "Fuck."
    I don't think these are the top-qualified soldiers of the entire army like they had told her.

Fuck.