Gonna get a bit personal here cuz this is basically my "rant space".
I wanna do a lot of shit with my life. I have aspirations- goals- to look forward to. But it's hard. Suffering from the day to day pains of anxiety and depression with possible symptoms of ADD makes mundane tasks- even shit I want to do, like writing for example- super hard even contemplate doing. I want to be able to be that awesome person I see in my head, signing books, talking to fans, and living the dream but reality kicks in. People don't take you seriously, and it hurts. Then that nagging voice at the back of your mind speaks up- contributes to that negativity- and it's like all the small things you do don't even matter. Working at a part time job, spending time with people, and going through school drains the life out off you and all you really wanna do when you get home is lay face first down on the ground and suffocate yourself. Joking around about how much you wanna die with your friends is just a normal thing all of the sudden, especially when you're really feeling it. Then comes the empathy to others. Some people have it. Others don't. But you can put yourself directly in another person's shoes without trying and after awhile it all just becomes too much. You've got a few friends- sure who doesn't? But you feel insecure, like they're not always there for you. It's painful to think of them like that but it's true. You think about heading down a road you had sworn off for ages. It's not healthy you tell yourself. And you stay away from that release, but what else can you do? It's not like anything else is easy and you're slowly falling down into that pit. It's gonna be hard to pull you out.
I feel like I changed my point of view in this a little to obscurely but hopefully you understand my meaning.
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Garbage Thoughts & Scary Ideas
Non-FictionIf ya wanna hear me ramble this is the place to be. Maybe my views will change, maybe they won't. Welcome nerds.
