You'll Just Know

Chapter 21

            There was a Saturday in early January when Spring came to visit. It was one of those odd, out-of-place days in the dead of winter when the temperature soars to over seventy. Beautiful. Not a single cloud in the winter-blue sky, and the sunshine was so clear and bright that it seemed to add new color to the world.

On that pristine January afternoon, Emily and I were in her dim and stuffy bedroom, lounging in the depths of boredom. I was half-heartedly working at a crossword puzzle while Emily sat on the floor amid the clutter and paged through a copy of Cosmopolitan. I was gritting my teeth, trying to come up with a six-letter word meaning “tangerine”, when I happened to glance up and see the bright sunlight filtering in through the bedroom curtains. An idea struck me.

            “Let’s go fishing.” I said suddenly, breaking the silence of the room.

            Emily guffawed, not looking up from her magazine. “Yeah, right...”

            I sat up. “No, really. There’s a great spot down by the Witchahee.”

            Emily looked up at me finally. “Fishing?”

            I was enthused about the idea now. This would be fun. “Yeah. What do you say?”

            Emily wrinkled her nose distastefully. “Worms?”

            I hesitated. “Um... that would probably be a factor, yes.”

            Emily continued to look dubious. “And we’d have to sit out there on the ground, wouldn’t we? I’d probably ruin a pair of jeans.”

            “We can pack a lunch. It’s beautiful outside. It’ll be fun.”

            Emily shook her head doubtfully. “It doesn’t sound very fun to me.”

            “Have you ever tried it?”

            Emily rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. “No…but I’ve never tried eating a live chicken either. That doesn’t mean that I want to.”

            I kept my temper in check. “Ok…how about the library? Let’s walk down to the-" But I could already see Emily’s answer in her expression. “What’s wrong with the library?” I asked.

            “It’s so stuffy…and all of those books…”

            “What’s your problem with books now?” I asked, trying hard to keep my voice as level as possible.

            I could see Emily’s anger start to flare. “What’s your problem all of a sudden? It’s like your doing everything you can to start a fight here.”

            I stood up and paced across the room. I felt my own anger suddenly. A mountain of angry retorts and frustrations built in my brain. “Why can’t you just...”

            ...what? What could I say that would express the confusion and anger I felt? I knew that the right thing to do was to just say what I felt. Get it out in the open. Be honest. I didn’t feel I could do that with Emily, though. I didn’t know if I even wanted to...

            Looking back on things, maybe I should have said something right then. That was, perhaps, the last and best time I could have set things straight. I might have ended things cleanly with Emily. Instead, though, I walked towards the door.

            “Where are you going?” Emily asked quickly.

            “I don’t know,” I said without looking back. “I just need some fresh air.”