This Pressure Is Overwhelming

Chapter 5

I have to get out, I have to get out...

That's all that is going through my head throughout the interview. The voices in my head are telling me to leave, get out!

But I can't. No, I can't just leave my band, my mates.

You don't matter to them, you're a burden. Go! Go far away! Leave them, they'll be better off!

The voices. I need to get out of here.

"...play tonight with a broken finger?"

My response came out of no where. I didn't mean it, I was directing it towards myself. You need to understand! I'm sorry!

I need to get out.

I jumped up and started running toward the door. Someone blocked my path. Dick, our tour manager.

He grabbed my shoulders. "Dan, buddy what's wrong? Huh? Talk to me."

I can't deal with this right now!

Two different voices are speaking to me right now, Dick's and my own, the darker side of me. I need to leave!

I shove him to the side and pull the door open, cold air hits me in the face. Where's my coat?

It doesn't matter, anywhere is better then here. I feel like the walls are closing in on me.

I take off running to my right, I don't know where to go.

I can just tell people are judging me and my running. I know I suck at running, everyone brings it up at least once every couple days.

I don't know how long I run. My lungs feel like they will burst into flames. My feet are hurting from pounding on the concrete. I don't know where I am or how far away from the venue I am. I'm totally out of breath, I need to stop. No keep going, they'll find you if you stay here, you're still close.

Listening to the voice in my head, I pick up my feet again and continue on running.

I finally stop at a park, I'm so exhausted. I sit down on a bench facing a swing set, trying to get my breath back.

Something moves in my stomach and the next thing I know I'm throwing up over the side of the bench.

I don't know if it was from the exhaustion or because of what happened at the interview, but nonetheless, I was hacking away, and it wouldn't stop.

It went on for a while and by the time I was done I had tears running down my face. When did that happen?

I was cold, shivering, and I felt like crap. Why did I run away again? Oh yeah. Because the voice told me too.

I want my friends, band mates, the crew, anyone! I feel so alone. I want my mum.

My mum, I need my mum. I fumble with my phone, trying to get it out of my pocket. My hands were shaking so much.

I saw many missed calls, but I ignored all of them and found my mums contact.