•i Dont Know What To Call This Book•

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Okay so ive been thinking anout this subject a lot in the past few years and I know that its just really overrated and that I shouldn't want it so badly because its not all in life but I can't help wanting it, I can't help wanting someone who means to me more then a friend more then a blood related. I want someone to look at me as the most precious thing in the world, that whenever we kiss we could feel fucking fireworks in our stomach. that someone will be happy to have me in their life, that every time they will look at me you could see the love in their eyes and not that kind of love you have between a friend and a friend or sister and brother or mother and son. I want a different kind of love I want someone to hug me when I'm sad to say "its alright I love you I'm here" and to kiss me and to tell I'm pretty even when I have bad hair day or morning breathe and to smile just because they saw me laughing at something stupid and say "I'm so happy I have you" I want someone to show me off Like I'm the best thing ever and to introduce me to their friends. I want to wake up in the morning in their arms and when I will try to get up they will pull me back and cuddle me more and that when I will hug them they will hug me tighter because they don't want me to go and to protect me from a bug that came into our room while I'll hide in the bathroom and to have stupid wars with each other and to on to dates or just watch TV together. I want to have that moment when we would be somewhere and they will look at me and say "I love you and i want to spend my life with you, will you marry me?" And I'll probably cry of course and I want to break their hand while I say "I hate you" over and over again because they made me push a little human from my vagina and I want that moment when we have to get up on a Saturday morning because the little shits we call our kids jumped on us screaming they want ice cream. I want to be 90 years old and I'll look to my left and see him there and wonder how the hell I got so lucky to have my soulmate with me. I know I don't need love in my life but fuck it I want to have this. I want to do the most cliché things like kissing in the rain. I want to know how it feels when someone loves you without them being your family or friends and I'm so scared I won't find them, I'm so scared I'll leave these life without meeting the person that would make me smile with one hug one smile one kiss one phone call three words. I want to be truly in love and I want someone to be in love with me, I want to be happy and in love once in my life and I'm so fucking scared that I won't get it.