Everything Stays {Tord/Tom Angst Fic}

Everything Stays

 " Let's go in the garden. You'll find something waiting. Right there where you left it. Lying upside down "

The sound of his screams echoed through the brunette's ears. The cries and screams he did when the bullet entered his chest. The screams, the man who was alive did, once he saw his lover fall to the ground. That night will always re-play in Tord's head. It was their anniversary, everything was planned to be a perfect stress-free night to just enjoy themselves. Except for the fact Tord did not account for a rebellion member finding them and shooting his boyfriend, Tom, in the chest. Tord could never really forget that day, how he was actually going to propose to him. Get married before the war, that was his plan in case he died during the war. He didn't ever think, Tom would actually die before him. Of course the murderer was shot on site by Tord, but it was too late for Tom. Tom died on site. Present day, Tord sat in the quiet apartment. He was on his couch with his now fully grown Husky, Mercury laying across his lap. It's been a year since Tom's death, it was actually the day Tom had died, it was their anniversary. When Tom died he at first tried to commit suicide but was stopped by one of his men, Patryk. How could he live knowing he could of saved Tom, but he didn't? Tord rubbed Mercury's head trying to suppress the memories. He wasn't ready to date again, he never knew if he actually could date again. Mercury nuzzled her head into Tord's palm as she was able to feel the stress and sadness radiating off of him. "I still miss him Mercury..It's been a year and I still can't get over it. I could of saved him, why wasn't I on guard that night? You probably don't even remember him girl..you were just a pup after all." Tord murmured as he leaned down and hid his face on the top of her fluffy head. Then, as if breaking a silence, Tord heard a small mewl come from behind the couch and in the kitchen. Stelle. Tord moved Mercury so he could stand as he had his fists clenched. Stelle was the little white Ragdoll cat that was Tom's. Tord hated that cat. All she did was remind him of Tom. Sure Tord was a good owner, still laying out food for her and such. Sometimes he wished Mercury killed Stelle so he'd never have to be reminded of Tom ever again. The voices in his head said she's better off dead, but as he walked to the kitchen to see the cat he instantly remembered the day they got their pets. Tom had gotten out of the hospital and they agreed on each getting a pet. Tord saw Mercury and instantly fell in love with how cute she was. Tom fell in love with Stelle after she was the only one to paw at the glass when he went to it. Remembering this day brought tears to Tord's eyes. He just wanted to forget Tom. Tom was dead so Stelle shouldn't be here. "You dumb cat! He's no longer here! Why do you keep coming back. Tom's gone he's been gone he's never coming back! Bare gå!" Tord had ended up grabbing a plastic cup from the counter, throwing it at the cat. Stelle was quick to run out of the way, jumping onto the counter and walking towards Tord. "Tom's gone you shouldn't be here either! Why do you have to torment me!" Tord cried as he backed away from the cat. Soon his dog came by, rubbing next to him to try and comfort him. The cat jumped down and did the same, making Tord back up more before he flipped backwards over the couch after tripping. Once he fell off the couch and onto the floor he seemed to just bury his face into his arms. "Tom's gone..he's never coming back. It's all my fault. Jeg er aldri skal kysse ansiktet hans, eller vokse opp med ham, eller be ham ringe meg en commie stykke shit.. he borte for alltid , og du er her for å plage meg!" Tord began yelling muffled yells in Norwegian into his arms. He felt something soft kneading it's head onto Tord's head to get him to look up. Tord was hoping when he looked up just to see his husky, but instead he met the piercing blue eyes of Stelle.

" When you finally find it You'll see how it's faded The underside is lighter When you turn it around "

Just seeing the cat up close made Tord cry again. He was never gonna be able to forget the death of his boyfriend, he was never gonna be able to forget how he so idiotically set up that date without at least having Paul or Patryk stand guard. He knew it was all his fault. It was all his fault that he was never gonna hear Tom's voice again, it was all his fault that he's never see those black eyes glare at him. It was all his fault that he'd never feel the soft skin of his hands as they held his when they'd walk down the streets. Stelle had rubbed her head up against Tord's again, making him flinch slightly. This cat was all he had in memory of Tom now. Tom's bass guitar was given to Edd as stated in his will, everything was given to everyone else. Tom's will was written before Tord came back, in fact Tord's name was not in the will at all. All he had left of Tom was the stupid cat who made him break down in the first place. Tord reached his hand out to pet the cat, which she let him do. Tord them quickly stifled another cry as he sat up. It wasn't just that today was their anniversary that made him upset, what made him more upset is how he has been treating this cat the whole year. He threw things at her, threw her across the room, kicked her, even shoved her into walls. He treated the cat like it was nothing, to try and make her leave but all she did was keep coming back. The cat never ran away all she did was come back at the end of the day. No matter how much abuse this cat was put through she just kept coming back. "You can see Tom, can't you? You come back because you can see his ghost right? You don't even know he's dead. There's no ghost of Tom, ghosts aren't real. Jon was a special case..why couldn't Tom be a special case. Why did Jon come back but Tom didn't? Why don't you find a better owner Stelle? All you do is fucking torment me." Tord started talking to the cat as he stood up, tears lining his face as he talked. "I miss him so much, God why couldn't they let me die so I could join him? All that's left for me is you two and the army. The Army doesn't need me and you two would get better owners. I'll never stop missing him, loving him, wondering why it had to be him and not me. Why did he get shot when that rebellion member could of shot me instead? I'm the one they wanted dead, did they just want me to suffer? There's no God I've realized, if there was Tom would be the one who survived. God wouldn't have taken the one good thing in my life away." Tord finished rambling as Stelle rubbed against his leg, causing Tord to push her away with his foot. That's when he looked into her eyes and saw something, he saw a blue glow around them. A glow that resembled the same glow Jon's Ghost had, except darker.

"Everything stays Right where you left it Everything stays But it still changes Ever so slightly Daily and nightly In little ways When everything stays"

Tord couldn't handle it, he was now actually thinking Tom's soul possessed his cat. Must be his schizophrenia acting up again. Tord finally decided on opening the door to the apartment, picking up Stelle, and throwing her out before slamming the door. "I don't need constant reminders of my mistakes! Never come back you hear me cat? Tom's gone he's ever coming back!" Tord clutched his hair as the voices started yelling at him for throwing the cat out and that Tom was possessing the cat. Telling him he got rid of Stelle just so he didn't have to live with the fact he killed his boyfriend. Tord pressed his head against the wall as choked sobs escaped him again. That's when the cat started meowing, as she wanted back in. Mewls and yips coming from her in demands of coming back in. "I said leave! Do you not know what leave is? I'll kill you if you won't leave! I'll do it! I'll kill you just like how the rebellion killed Tom!" By now Tord had fallen to his knees, rocking back slowly. Once he heard the meow again he bolted up, slamming open the door and grabbing the cat. He then walked towards the opened window of the apartment. Once there he was more than ready to throw the cat out of a 11 story drop. "I told you to leave! Why couldn't you listen. I don't want to hurt you but you're hurting me!" By now his own mind was yelling at him to drop the cat, get rid of your problems. The cat let out a deep mewl once again and on instinct, Tord threw the cat. The cat was no longer there but the pain was still there. Tord just killed the last thing he had to remember Tom by. Tord had just gotten rid of the last thing to torment him on how he couldn't save the one life that mattered to him. Tord, is a murderer. His life had stayed the same all throughout the months after Tom's death, but now everything with change.
He can finally forget about the one thing keeping him sane.