Married To A Styles | H.S +UNDER EDITING+

It's So Hard

I am currently sitting on my bed and when I look to the clock, it seems as though hours are passing when it should only be seconds.

Tears form in my eyes as I look down to the scrapbook.

"Why is it so hard to say goodbye?" I ask myself.

I glance to the clock for the thousandth time time tonight and it's nearing 4am.

This should be him.

Harold.

He should be the one staring at a picture of the two of us and saying how hard it is. But no.

It's me. I'm the desperate one.

I should be the one to turn on my heels, flip the middle finger and walk away with confidence.. But that's not it..

It's all wrong..

I've cried so much in the past 5 years, more than I've ever cried in my life. I have to be so strong for my kids, I have no choice but to keep my feelings locked away until I get a chance to myself.

And it's still unbelievable and foolish of me that I still cry every night over him.. He looks so happy in the interview on TV and there's never a dull moment..

But when Niall came over and said he wanted to leave the band, it was shocking. He looks more happy now, on the telly, than what he did when we were together.

And it hurts me inside to know what he's going through.

It shouldn't hurt, but it does.

~*~*~

I wake up to my alarm and heave myself out if bed, walking towards Darcys bedroom door.

I push through the door, seeing her sprawled out on her bed, like every night.

Walking over to her side, I gently shake her. "Darcy.."

She mumbles but doesn't move. I shake her again.

"Darcy, you better be up by the time I get back." I say, pulling the blankets from her and placing them by the door.

She doesn't budge but I can tell her hand moved when I turned around due to the different position it's in. Probably in a search for her blanket. I walk out of the room, going to Maddy's.

I shake her and her eyes flutter open, looking up to me. I smile at her.

"Time for school." I say as she sits up.

She nods, yawning, before standing up and immediately walking out her door. Probably to the bathroom.

I pull her blanket back to make it look nice and stand up, making my way back to Darcys bedroom.

When I open the door, Darcys still in bed, wrapped in her blanket.

I shake my head, going to the bathroom door to see it open and Maddy walking back to her bedroom.

Walking in, I start the tub on cold water, sitting there and waiting for what seemed like forever. When it finally fills, I walk back to Darcys room, walking to her bedside.

She's asleep, lightly snoring, as her hands grip onto the edge of her blanket.

I scoop her in my arms and she stirs but doesn't open her eyes. I laugh as I make my way to the bathroom.

I draw the curtains back of the shower and lower Darcy into the tub.

Halfway through, her eyes jerk open and she's trying to get out.

Maddy walks by and sees us and laughs along with me as Darcy stands in front of me, her clothes dripping with water.

"Mom!" She groans, trying to wring her clothes out.

"I told you to get up." I say and she sighs. "I'll go get you new clothes, don't move."

"She just stares at me as I walk out of the room, going to get her a fresh pair.

I hand them to Maddy, since she followed me, and tell her to give those to her sister.

I go downstairs, starting up breakfast. Deciding on French toast, I pull the ingredients from the cabinet and fridge, starting the process up.

Maddy comes down a couple minutes later, sitting at the island, watching me cook.

"You can turn on cartoons, if you want." I tell her, pointing to the remote.

She doesn't say anything as she grabs it, switching the telly on that sits on the wall in the kitchen.

The channels keep flicking until she decides on Disney Jr.

Darcy soon comes down, in dry clothes, as I place the plates if food in front of the two. I enjoy mine standing up as I pull a mug out of the cabinet, putting it under the Keurig.

"Hey, mom?" Darcy asks and I look up to her.

"Yeah?" I ask, pulling my cup of coffee from the Keurig, putting it to my lips.

"Were you okay?" She asks and I furrow my eyebrows. "Last night?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, still confused.

"I heard you.." She looks to Maddy as if debating whether or not to say anything, but she's just staring at the TV, holding an empty fork in front of her mouth. "I heard you crying last night.."

My eyes dart to the floor, suddenly finding the tiles interesting. But I know I gave to give her an explanation, she's not 4 anymore..

"I'm fine, Darcy." I reassure her, looking back up.

"Mom?" She asks. "How did you and dad meet?"

Oh, no..

"Well, um.." I start, trying to avoid telling her the while story. "We met at a hotel."

"Why were you at the hotel?" She asks.

Ugh.

"Um.. I was travelling at the time and he payed for my food, wanted to get to know me." I simply explain, though I was lying.

"What happened then?" She urges, taking a sip of her milk that sits In front of her.

"Well, we exchanged numbers and met up like a week later." I say, putting my dishes in the sink along with Darcys. "Now go brush your teeth and wait for the bus.".

I send the both of them upstairs as I shut the TV off, going to do dishes.