The Man I Love (Cashby)

"N-no."

(A/N: Finally a update! Yay! In other news, there is s little offensive name calling in this chapter and just to put it out there I have nothing against people of different sexualities, I'm not so straight myself, my little ducklings. Anyway enjoy the update that took nine million years .
~Driftwood_Heart~)

Chapter 9

Alan's POV
It's amazing how close two people can get in such a little time. One month doesn't seem like that long but in reality a lot can happen in a month. Kellin and Vic are head over heels in love and it doesn't seem like they're stopping anytime soon. I've grown closer to Vic also but what amazes me most is how close I've gotten to Austin. I didn't think it was possible to get this close to someone in the limited amount of time I've been around him. He's by no means as close as me and Kellin, but he's almost there.

I was currently sitting at my house waiting on James to get back. I had been texting Austin on and off all day and he was currently once again arguing with me about whether Nickelodeon or Disney was better. I laughed as I read his text and replied quickly.
"What are you laughing at?" I jumped off of the couch startled and chucked my phone at the intruder. I looked up  and saw it was just James.
"Fucking hell James! You scared the day lights out of me." I said as I tried to slow my heartbeat.
He was laughing, almost in tears. "Your face was priceless." He said and I stood up and hit him playfully. "Shut up." I said.
"How about you make me." He said and pulled me close. I pecked his lips gently and pulled away, not on the mood for anything at the moment.

"Alan baby please?" He said and pulled me to him once again and tried to kiss me.
I pushed him off gently. "Not now James."
"Fucking bitch." He mumbled under his breath, nine times out of ten thinking I hadn't heard him.
I stared at him. "What?"
"You heard me, whatever. I'll just go take care of it myself." He said before going up the stairs and I heard the bedroom door slam shut.

I sighed and sat down on the couch. I didn't feel like it, was that so wrong? I just wasn't in the mood. I had an internal battle with myself about whether or not to just give in before I finally got up from the couch and made my way up the stairs. I raised my hand to knock on our bedroom door when I heard it.

Moans.

Not just James but a girls moans. He couldn't have someone in there with him. I would've seen them walk in. I listened  some more before it set in what was going on. James was watching porn. Straight porn. I could hear hear the girl moan as some guy called her slutty names, mixed in with those noises was James's moans.

I ran down the stairs and sat in the couch pulling my knees to my chest. Tears prickled at my eyes. Straight porn? Was James bi? Was he even gay? He had always told me he was nothing but a straight up homosexual and that girls disgusted him and didn't turn him on on the slightest. He even bought me lingerie once, and it completely killed the mood for him. Maybe it was just me in it that killed the mood. If girls bothered him why was he watching that and why did he cheat on me with girls? The thoughts swirled through my head as I cried. How could I think I would ever be good enough for him? He deserved the best and only got me.

A while later, I'm not exactly sure how much later, James came back down the stairs.
"Alan baby what's for dinner?" He asked as he walked into the living room. Shit I forgot, I hopped up from the couch and went to the kitchen to start cooking.
"Not sure yet. Kinda forgot about cooking," I admitted chuckle, " anything specific you want?" I asked looking in the freezer.
"Whatever you want. Bring me something to drink when you get a chance." I quickly grabbed a can of Coke and took it to him. He grabbed my hand as I turned away. He  studied me. "Have you been crying?" He questioned.
"N-no." I said and went back to the kitchen.

James followed me and stood at the counter. He watched as I grabbed a pack of chicken from the freezer and put it in to defrost. I rested my hip against the counter opposite to him. He stared at me and I stared at the floor. The timer went off and I grabbed the chicken and went to put it on to cook.
"Alan why were you crying?" He said in a demanding voice.
"I wasn't." I said simply, trying to focus on the sizzling of the chicken as I put it in the pan instead of the anger slowly creeping into his voice.
"Alan I'm not an idiot. Now tell me why were you crying. Now."
"It's nothing James. I wasn't crying." I said quietly. I knew I was just asking for trouble, but I really didn't want to tell him I had been crying because I was questioning his sexually and whether or not he really wanted me.

He growled and banged a fist on the counter in frustration. "Dammit Alan. Your eyes are red and puffy. Your face is also red and your nose is stuffy. I know good and well you've been crying." His knuckles were turning white from griping the counter "Now, let's try this again. Tell me why you were crying."
"James I said-" I was cut off with a loud smack. My cheek was stinging like crazy. He gripped my shoulder and pulled me towards him and pointed a finger in my face. "Now tell me why you were crying."

"Because you were upstairs jerking off to a girl." I said barely above a whisper and he laughed. He fucking laughed.
"Alan sometimes your priceless. So what if I was getting off to a girl does it make a difference?" He asked.
I stared at him in shock.
"It does make a difference." I said losing my quiet nature for a moment. "I'm not a girl James. You said they repulsed you, make you sick to think of them like that! Then to go and do that! I thought you were gay." I said with my voice raising.

"I was gay for you Alan. I never said I was a full fledged rainbow wearing fag. You. I just had to have you. You were so innocent and easy to manipulate." He ran a hand down my cheek, sending shocks through it as his fingers brushed where I was just slapped. Pulling my chin up to him to kiss me. I didn't kiss him back in the slightest. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"I thought you... D-did you... Do you even     l-love me?" I choked out.
"Alan baby of course I do. Although at first I never meant it but I do love you. You are mine after all." He said and grabbed my ass. I pushed him off.
"Get your hands off of me." I said and the tears started again. I grabbed my shoes and keys before running out of the house.
As I slammed the front door I heard him yell, "At least she had nice tits!"
How could I be so stupid.