Love to Hate You

Chapter Thirteen

I arrive at Alex’s house late morning the day after my night with Sean. I’d sent out an email yesterday concerning Karma, reminding them that they don’t have to do this if they don’t want to.

Sean greets me at the door, a dimply smile on his face when he sees me. “Hey, they’re all downstairs,” he tells me as he lets me in, dropping a kiss on my cheek as I pass him.

“Are they all still in?” I ask him while we walk through the house together.

“They’re here, aren’t they?” he reassures me. I nod, though I still feel unsettling knots in my stomach.

We descend the basement stairs together and are met with three lounging boys seated in the middle of the room, their eyes on us. I wave to them.  Austin is the only one who waves back, though he does it with a forced smile.

“Hey, did you guys get my email, then?” I ask and they all nod. “Good,” I say, twisting my hands together as I come to sit with them.

“Look, Reese,” Austin starts softly, “after what happened with Justin a couple days ago—I think we need an explanation. What was he talking about with Sean? Is there something going on you’re not telling us.”

Sean seats himself beside me on the loveseat beside the couch that Austin, Kris, and Alex are sitting on and I glance over at him nervously. Telling them the whole story could be risky for the plan I have in mind for Justin. I haven’t been the perfect person throughout this, I haven’t been totally honest, and I’ve been completely selfish. Jeopardizing my plan for Justin isn’t what I want to do, but I know now that this isn’t all about me. It’s time to come clean. Karma is about all of us.

“We told you the plan involved me staying with Justin and that was hard to do. Sean and I had been getting involved with each other. But, that’s not it. I’ve been using all of you just like Justin has.  Justin’s using you for fame, but I’m using you to get what I want,” I tell them, watching their faces slowly distort to confusion and hurt. Then, I’m telling them about the situation with Stephanie and Alex and how I had used her so that she wouldn’t tell my mom about me singing. I tell them about my selfishness with me turning them against Justin and then about my fight with Stephanie. I can’t seem to stop confessing and at some point I just close my eyes because I can’t look at their faces anymore. I’m completely ashamed of myself. “So,” I finish, “I understand if you no longer want to be involved with me.”

My eyes are still closed and I press my hands onto my face to hide from them. The weight of guilt is somewhat lifted, but their judgmental stares seem to outweigh it anyway. It’s silent all around and I feel Sean’s hand rubbing my back to try and sooth me.

“You’re a manipulator, you know that?” Alex suddenly bursts, “I don’t understand how you think you’re any better than Justin. You’re both self-absorbed and obnoxious.”

“Hey,” Sean cuts in, “at least she had the guts to tell you—“

“It’s not the point. She’s been lying to us. In her own way, she was lying to us. She’s not as innocent as she appears,” Alex rants and I clench my eyes tighter, feeling his every word like a punch. “Why are we even here? Why are we even doing this? It won’t solve anything.  It’ll only cause more drama. Or, here’s an even bigger question—Why do we even trust you, Reese? We don’t know you. You’re just some random chick that showed up one day and never left. We aren’t friends. We aren’t anything!”

I slap my hands down on my lap and look at him with tears brimming in my eyes. “I never said you had to trust me, Alex. I said you could leave if you wanted! I know I’m horrible and I don’t deserve any of you! I know I’m just like him.”