Sincerely Yours

Prologue

Prologue

Dear Reader,

Have you ever been in love with someone? I'm not saying the way you love your sister or your best friend. I'm saying true love. I'm talking about the love that they write songs about. Maybe you have. Maybe you haven't. Well, I have. Let me tell you something about love. It's the emotion to make you feel all emotions and leave you numb at the same time. I'm actually kind of convinced love isn't an emotion, but an experience. It's a never-ending experience, too. If you've never been in love, I've probably just really confused you.

Let me explain in laments terms; you fall in love, you have amazing experiences, you fall out of love, and then you spend a really long time (I've heard that some people even spend the rest of their lives) mourning that love. Not only that, but once you love someone, you'll never stop. You'll get over it, move on, and maybe even fall in love again, but you'll never stop loving them. You're trying to tell me that love is an emotion? Hell no, it's an experience. A crazy, fucked up, twisted experience.

I probably make it sound like it sucks. Well, it does. But it's the best worst thing you'll ever go through. You get to this point where you love someone so much, you would run to the edge of the earth for them. But... then you get to another point where you wish you wouldn't. You wish that if they asked you to actually run to the edge of the earth, you'd bite your lip and mutter a simple, "no." You tell yourself that you're through with them and through doing things for them but deep down, you know if they actually asked you to run to the edge of the earth, you would.

But every time they walk by, you have to pretend you wouldn't. Even worse, you have to pretend you don't even know them. Forget the fact that you spent all this time getting to know they're greatest dreams and fears. Forget the fact that you had all these amazing, gut-renching experiences with that person. You're still expected to walk by them and pretend you don't remember any of that. I'm not kidding, you have to walk by them like they're another person on the street and swallow any "I love you"s or "I miss you"s or "I need you"s. Some people call this "heart break." I call it tragedy.

I could go on. I could sit here and tell you about how much I loved Nicholas. I could tell you his greatest dreams and fears. I could tell you about the time he walked me through a forest because I have this irrational fear of getting lost in the woods. Then, I could tell you about how we actually got lost in the woods and considered calling the fire department before his oldest brother came and found us. But I won't. The letters can show you better than I could ever tell you.

I don't know why we started writing letters back and fourth but it became a habit. Once we started sohomore year, we didn't stop. Well, we didn't stop until we pretended to stop loving each other. But even then, I didn't stop. I have a collection of letters I wrote after it was over, that I don't know if I'll ever send.

All you need to know is that I met Nicholas when I was 11. He was my first friend in a new school in Miss Mayley's 5th grade class. We went through middle school together. We exchanged awkward first kiss stories and did homework at each other's houses after school. We went through high school together. He threatened all my boyfriends and I made all his girlfriends jealous because his mom had a tendency to talk about me more than her own son. Somewhere in between all of the laughs and the friendship, I fell in love with him. It wasn't a slow, progressive, over the years kind of love. It was the kind of love where I woke up one day and it hit me in the face; I was in love with Nick.

I was the lucky one, too, because he loved me too.

Well, for a little while.

Like I said, the letters tell the story much better than I ever could. I still have every single one he ever sent me. That's why I decided to dig them out of the box in my closet and put them in one place. In case I ever wanted to remind myself, start to finish, when it all came together before falling apart. In case I ever wanted to tell someone the story, I could just hand this book to them. Or, if I get a little courage, I might just mail it to Nick. I haven't really decided yet. I mean, he wrote (most of) these letters. He'll remember them. But, there's a lot I never said in the letters I never sent.

There's a lot I want to say.

I wish I knew how to say it.

Sincerely Yours,

Amelia

PS Nick, if you ever read this, if I ever do decide to mail it to you, I love you. Always have, always will. And I hope you still have my letters.