Trust No One

She's Gone

For the first time in what seems to be a long time, I hear something.

The sound carries me through the dark murkiness of my subconscious mind. It's feels weird to feel again. To welcome back the part of me that's been numb and asleep for a long time.

It takes a minute or so to clearly hear what the sound was. Before it was distorted and muffled, now though I can hear the noise. Someone is weeping. No, someone is sobbing.

It's a sound that makes your heart wrench deep in your chest. It makes you stop whatever you're doing. All so you can listen, even if you don't wish to.

The part of me that is conscious recognizes who is crying. That part of me wants to reach out and soothe the person. But I can't do that. I can't do much of anything anymore. So I wait.

After an excruciatingly long time, the person trades crying for sniffling. Then a minute after that, everything is silent.

I'm about to slip away again; back into the shadows of my mind, when I hear her voice.

"This is hard. Harder than I thought it would be. God, why do you have to make it harder? Why can't you just open your eyes and look at me?"

So this person--this woman it appears to be--is unsettled. She's both furious and sad. I wonder why she's like that? Is she mad at me? If so, what have I done?

"You know what? I don't know what I was thinking. I obviously wasn't in my right mind when I came in here. Coming close to this room is hard, knowing your in here is hard. What's even harder is knowing that I did all that I could for you, and it wasn't enough."

She sucked in a breath, as if she just revealed something big.

"What kind of mother can't do enough for their child?"

Mommy?

A tiny bit of my mind recognizes the word. That tiny part grows stronger as a rush of memories surface.

A woman smiling as she looks down at her newborn baby. A woman laughing as her infant daughter as she devours a slice of chocolate cake--the child's face smeared with icing. The same woman teaching her five-year old how to ride her bike without training wheels. The woman clutching a teenage girl's hand as they stand in front of a grave. A woman with long, wavy brown hair, and steel-gray eyes. A woman familiar, a woman loved and respected. A woman called mom.

I want to go to her, to fling my arms around her neck and squeeze the life out of her. I want to tell her that I'm still here, that her daughter is still here. That this body isn't an empty shell, but a prison. One that I can't escape.

Most of all though, I want to tell her I love her.

When mom speaks again, her voice is soft. The anger and sadness draining from her. Now her voice is emotionless and detached.

"I have to go now. I've lingered longer than I should've, but I needed to properly say goodbye."

Wait she was leaving?

"With Marcel and his goons looking for me, the safest thing for me to do for both our well beings is to disappear. That way if I leave now, there's no possibility that he'll find out about you. Please believe that I wouldn't do this to  you if I had no other choice. Please sweetheart..."

By her silence, and by the way I know her. I know that she's tearing up. Her treacherous eyes are betraying her true pain at leaving me. I know that right now she's wiping them away because that's what a strong woman does. She doesn't let the worst of things break her down, instead she uses them to push her to keep going.

I am surprised to feel her hand grab mine. She holds it tightly as if she never wants to let me go. And though I don't completely understand why she needs to go, I know I can't hold her back.

"If your still in there, and if you ever rejoin the rest of the world, I want you to do one thing for me..."

I wait; anxious for my mother's last advice for me.

"... I want you to rely on yourself. You can't trust anyone anymore, everyone has their own agenda and their own motivations. I'm not saying that people aren't good, because there are some who are. Mostly though, the majority of humanity now a days don't believe in right and wrong. All they believe in are themselves, and that's enough for them."

As I take in her words, something soft and feather-like presses against my forehead.

It's a kiss.

"I love you, Kira."

I love you too, mommy...

Then she's gone. And after a minute, so am I.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Hi everyone, Grace here. Just wanted to say that I'm really sorry that this chapter was really late. I've been busy with school, but I found some time tonight to finish up. If there are any mistakes, I'm sorry but I was up late finishing this. Anyway, enjoy, and comment.

Hope you have a great rest of your weekend!