For the Ones We Love (Merlin Fan Fiction)

Chapter Twenty-One

When I woke up the next morning, it was still dark outside. Merlin was already packing his things onto his bay horse when I found him. He turned to face me when he heard me coming.

"What made you change your mind?" he asked immediately, leaving no room for a greeting.

"Nice to see you too," I muttered. I pulled my cloak tighter around me to block out the chilly morning air. "I... I have unfinished business to attend to in Camelot. Besides," I managed a weak smile, "I made you a promise and I'm going to keep it." I should at least keep one promise in my lifetime, I added silently.

Merlin smiled, but I could tell it was forced. Something was bothering him. I... I was bothering him.

He turned and continued strapping things to the back of the bay. I watched him for what felt like ages, unwilling to pull my mind away from my thoughts.

"Are you just going to stand there?" he asked, startling me. "I thought you wanted to leave before the others woke."

I nodded and called for Stella. Halfway through packing, I heard something faint in the back of my mind. It was Mordred. I knew it was Mordred.

Do you ever keep your promises? he asked.

I frowned. What are you talking about? The sun was coming up now and was just visible through the trees, though the light was still weak.

You promised me you wouldn’t trust him. You promised you wouldn’t leave!

I let my mind wander for a long moment before responding to the boy. How did you find out? Who told you I was leaving?

The whole camp knows! News spread after you went to sleep last night. Mordred’s fury radiated through his delivered thoughts. But you didn’t want that did you? You were just going to leave without saying goodbye!

It would have been easier that way. Delving into Mordred’s surface thoughts, I tried to find where he was. Even with the short time I spent in his mind, I adopted his anger and had to stand and let it drain from me before stepping away from Stella in the direction I assumed the boy was. “I’ll be right back,” I told Merlin.

Easy for you! Mordred retorted. But what about me? You were willing to let me believe that you’d betrayed me for some passed love of yours?

His accusations made me pause mid-step. Was my history with Merlin that obvious or was Mordred just more observant than I ever realized.

Well it doesn’t matter! You have betrayed me!

I didn’t reply. Instead, I focused all my energy on finding the boy. A few minutes later, I stumbled upon him just outside the east side of camp. He was standing next to a tree, staring into a pond I’d never realized was there.

“I didn’t mean to,” I murmured aloud. “I never meant to hurt you.”

Mordred whirled around, his face screwed up in surprise and anger. He obviously hadn’t heard me coming.

“I’m just trying to do what’s best for everyone,” I continued.

“Best for everyone?” he asked. “Best for you!”

I shook my head, murmuring, “No… no.” I reached out to the boy, but he dodged my hand. I let my arms fall to my side instead.  “Mordred, you have to understand, if I stay here, you—and every other druid here—is in danger. No one’s safe.”

“Why?” Tears were leaking down the boy’s face. “Why aren’t we safe?”

I reached out again to clutch Mordred’s shoulders. He didn’t resist. “You remember what I told you about the man unconscious in Healer’s tent?”

Mordred nodded.

“He’s waking and he’s given up threatening my life. He’s started zeroing in on the ones I love and he threatens their lives.”

“But he’s unconscious! He can’t hurt anyone!”

“He won’t be unconscious for long,” I whispered. “And if I’m here when he wakes up, you’ll all be in danger.”

Mordred pulled away from me. “But he won’t wake up! I’ve made sure of it!”

“What?” I stood up straight.

The boy turned to face the pond again. “A friend of mine taught me to make a draught that puts the drinker in an extended sleep,” he murmured into the air. “I’ve been giving it to him once a month since you told me who he was.”

I took a step away, unsure of how to react to the news.

Mordred huffed out a laugh. “Did you really think that he’d stay unconscious for two years just because he’d been hit in the head?”

“I didn’t know what to think,” I answered honestly. “But why didn’t you tell me?”

Mordred shrugged. “It was my way of keeping you here. I knew you’d stay as long as you couldn’t move him.” He paused. “At least, I thought you would.”

“Mordred, can the draught… can the consumer become immune to it?”

He turned back to face me. “I’d never thought of that.” His face became filled with worry. “Do you think that’s happening?”

I sighed. “Well, whatever’s happening; he’s waking up and when he does, it won’t be good.” I looked down into his ice-blue eyes for a long, long moment. “I’ll come back, Mordred” I whispered. “I don’t belong in Camelot anyway.” As I said it, I wondered if it was true. If I didn’t belong in Camelot, did I belong anywhere? Could I ever belong anywhere? For a few meager months, I had thought I’d finally found a home amongst the druids, but I had been wrong. Though I knew in my heart that I would come back, I wasn’t sure if it was home. “I’ll come back,” I repeated.

Mordred wrapped his arms around me and pressed his face into my shoulder. “You have to.” Without saying anything else, he pulled away and scurried back through the trees toward camp.

I’ll miss you most of all, Mordred.

I’ll miss you too.

I took another look at the pond. It was murky and filled with dirt, but I wondered how I hadn’t come across it before.

Shrugging off the thoughts, I took a deep breath and retraced my steps back to Merlin and Stella. I was ready to leave the place I’d called home.