history is v lit man

chapter numero uno

so like there was this Big Bang thing and as the asteroids were getting it on they had a giant earth baby and that's how the world was made

eventually the giant earth baby had BABIES INSIDE THE BABY and those lil shits were the dinosaurs

and as the dinosaurs went around saying "rawr xD" and shit like a bunch of emos, the breakup of My Chemical Dinosaurs hit them full-force with a giant ass BOOM and they all died and THERE WERE NONE OF THEM LEFT all that remained were there emo ass Dino tears that got in between the continents and broke apart Pangea

that shit was 65 million years ago man the story is as old as dirt

and then the monkeys were like "well shit man earth is LAAAME bro how we gonna get Netflix to be a thing this world is so unlit" and so they did the nasty and made us Humans

but what they DIDNT realize is how fuckin stupid the humans were gonna be

bc ancient Egypt just decided "hey man lets make these giant ass triangles that would be lit" and there were ppl like that Roman emperor who was like "bro what if we had this horse for a senator he's pretty damn smart" and "let's burn down all of Rome to rebuild it" and shit and it was just so fucking stupid that the apes were like wtf and that's why they play with their own shit, it's bc ape shit is at least better than humanity

and then the humans started to take the animals' land including the monkeys who at this point were like what the actual FUCK have we done

and then humans tamed the wolves to make all the doggos who were legit just like "food food food bORK BORK FOOD BORK A N G ER Y YY Y !!!1!1!1!1!1!!!!!" and they stared at ppl like Emma for a rlly long ass time and repeatedly licked their nose bc why??? I have no fucking idea

and at this point nature was so done with our shit that all they had left was to give us shit like hurricanes and tsunamis and weather that cancels concerts and shit

and then hitler happened and donald trump got all inspired and now nature is tttttrrIGGEREDDDDD!!1!1!1!1!1!1!11!!!! and it was like alright time for some Ebola shit but sadly the humans have advanced technology and can fight off diseases and nature is like o shit waddup

and then memes became a thing

and nature was like ...............damn

one thing we actually did right

but not for long

bc then there was HARAMBE who was like everyone's fav but the humans went bang bang bitch and the apes were like NOOOOOOOOO RIP BRO DICKS OUT FOR MY MAN HARAMBE and now the monkeys and nature and shit have teamed up with donald trump's stupidity and they're planning on ending the world bc they can no longer take our shit and now we're just waiting on the world to end

mass destruction is coming our way and that's how it's gonna happen fren man bro dude

and the llamas and alpacas are pretty chill but not even they can take our anti-gay bullshit

the only cure we have is to make Johnlock canon to promote The Gays™ and vote for Hillary and have concerts and shit in indoor venues

and also get Emma a cute bf or gf to restore world peace

and so yeah that's the whole history of everything and the reason why we're all doomed

r.i.p. to us man

the end hope u all liked my story personally I think it's v lit and tru af but yea

..........

excerpt from my next story called "10/10 Would Learn About Biology" so u can get a lil taste:

"....and then the muscles were like BITCH WE NEED ENERGY HMU and the mitochondria did their shit and life went on..."

lemme know if 10/10 would read and maybe I'll write it

thank for reading bro have a good day m8