Just Let Me Die

Chapter 4: The Darkness Of Hunger

Jack hadn't eaten anything in three months. He knew that starving himself was pathetic. He knew that it wouldn't do anything to kill him. He knew that it would only make him sick from malnutrition.

He just couldn't bring himself to eat.

He didn't deserve food. He deserved to be hungry.

"Are you sure you do not want cookie, my friend?" North asked for the millionth time.

"I'm sure, North." Jack smiled, "I'm really not hungry."

"Well, more for us, then!" Tooth cried teasingly, munching on a sugar-free cookie that the elves made specially for her. Sandman grinned.

Jingle bumped into Jack's leg with his fist, pointing to the cookie tray demanding.

Jack rolled his eyes. "No thanks."

Looking extremely offended, Jingle wobbled off out of the Globe Room, scowling. Jack didn't like that elf much.

"You know, I've never seen you eat here before, Frostbite." Bunny pointed out.

Jack, knowing that he was in dangerous waters, quickly changed the subject. "I'm leaving in an hour or two, guys."

"What? Why?" Tooth pouted.

"I have work to do. Not all of us only have to do our jobs one night a year, right, Sandy?" He asked. Sandman shrugged and nodded.

Bunny and North both started to interrupt, but Tooth said, "While that is very true, Jack, you can take a break every now and then. I mean, sure, stay on top of things and all, that's great, but don't overwork yourself."

"I know, I know." He sighed, "But I really do need to get some stuff done in Burgess."

"You should stay here longer." North protested.

Jack wished they would stop trying to make him stay. He didn't want to leave. Any time he went outside, he could be targeted by the Four.

At the same time, though, he didn't want to bother the Guardians. They were just starting to adjust to their newest member, and Jack didn't want to ruin that by driving them crazy.

Yes, he would have to leave.

***

"Bye, Jack!" Tooth said, smiling. Sandman waved.

"Come back soon!" North added.

Bunny rolled his eyes. "See ya, Frosty."

Grinning at them, Jack jumped off the window sill and flew through the air. "Wind, take me to Burgess!" He called.

The wind picked up speed, rushing him along. As the factory grew farther and farther away, Jack recalled how much he used to love this feeling, how much he used to look forward to it. 

It was gone now, though.

Flying used to be fun. Now it was just a tool, something that made it possible for Jack to stop somewhere, spread winter, and get moving before the Four caught up to him. Even now, Jack found himself scanning the air around him, overly aware of everything.

On the watch for an unseen threat.

Jack wished for someone who could see him. Someone who would be able to understand what he was going through.

He hungered for it.

There are two different kinds of hunger: One is when your stomach is empty. The other is when you desperately want something you can't have, but feel like you need.

Jack had both.

He wanted someone to see through his lies. He wanted to keep people from knowing. He wanted help. He didn't want people to think he was weak. He wanted guidance. He wanted to figure things out on his own.

Jack didn't want to die but he didn't want to be alive, either.

He hungered for comfort and peace. 

And food. Jack was also very hungry.