Destiny ~ Book Two Of The "Meant to Be" Series

Chapter 36

"You're really going to leave Chicago?" She asks, her eyes widening and filling with tears as she stares at me in awe and takes a few steps back. "You're gonna leave me? Your friends? Tobias?"
"Tobias and I aren't dating anymore, Olivia," I say quietly, staring outside the window.
"But— No!" She yells in frustration, which makes me face her. "You can't leave! Not again!" I've never heard her raise her voice this loudly, and it honestly frightens me. "You want to go back to Los Angeles? Where your mom hides your letters and blocks your friends from your phone? Back to where your parents ignore your existence and always under appreciate you?! Where Caleb—"
"Olivia, stop it!" I snap and she obeys, letting out an angry sigh. I look away again, staring outside the window. Her eyes full of hatred are on me, closely watching my every move, judging every breath.
"You're selfish," she spits out after a few moments of silence. I sigh, closing my eyes and bitting my lip.
"Don't say that," I shake my head. She's never spoken to me like this.
"You're a coward," I've never seen her behave like this. Never heard her say an offensive word. Hurt someone. She has always been so innocent and loving, comforting and kind. The Olivia speaking to me now isn't the Olivia I know.
"Do you even know what that word means?" I speak up, my voice quiet in the beginning. There's this knot in my chest that insists that I must defend myself, even to a preschooler. "Do you understand anything going on around you?" I slide my legs from the sitting position I was in, and turn to her. I'm gonna burst out in anger any second and I can't stop myself. "How don't you understand I want to go as far from this place as possible? I thought you did, because you 'went through the same things'. Do you know I got through all that bullshit for you and you don't even give a fuck?! You're calling me a fucking coward and a selfish person for putting myself in front of others?!" I've lost all my temper. I can't take back what I've said and can't hold what I'm about to.
She is only six. You're foolish for yelling at her.
I push away that though and stand up looking down to her. She takes a few steps back and I can see she's scared. "You're six, Olivia! What do you understand?
"I feel stupid for making myself go through hell for someone who doesn't even appreciate it! And we're not even related for god's sake! You could at least show a little respect and not call me names and criticize me for wanting to make my own decisions for my own shitty life that you and your brother ruined!" I scream on the top of my lungs on the last sentence. My voice breaks from anger, my hands tremble and my eyes pool. It's that kind of angry that you've been keeping in so long and take it out to someone who doesn't quite deserve it.
Of course I don't mean any of the things I said, but could I stop myself from saying them? No. It's like I have no control over what I say or do. I'm in that stage of anger and insaneness where I could literally shoot someone.
There are quick footsteps from the stairs and the door swings open. Tobias runs in and takes Olivia from my reach. Tears stream down her face and her lower lip trembles. "You're a monster, just like the rest of them," she says as he drags her out of the room and closes the door, leaving me alone, realizing what the fuck I've done.
My breaths get unsteadier by the second and my knees give out, hitting the floor harshly as I sit on my knees. I place my hand on my forehead and crawl myself towards the wall behind me so I can have support and not lie to the ground unconscious any second. I pull my knees to my chest, trying to calm myself down but I just start crying instead. High pitched screams and sobs leave my mouth. I cry loudly, unlike usual. The last time I've cried this much was last year, when I spoke with Mason's mom on the phone and she told me he had passed away, and just moments before swallowing the goddamn pills I wish had killed me. And honestly, I feel like I'm in more pain now than I used to be that school year, and I never knew such pain could exist.
Everything around me is ruined. I am ruined. And all beyond fixing.
It's just a few minutes until the door opens and Tobias walks in once again. He watches me uncontrollably crying and sobbing, gasping for breath from a distance, as if he's afraid to approach me, but later he does. "I–I didn't mean a–any of that I d–don't know why I said it–t," I blubber, having a hard time trying to make sense and make the words come out clearly (which they don't, but I think he understands). "I'm s–s–so sorry for everything," I shake my head, my shoulders shaking and my nose running. I can barely breathe from the unmanageable sobs and I can barely see from the unstoppable tears forming in my eyes every second.
      Tobias kneels in front of me, keeping his distance. I think the doctors or Christina might of told him that I can barely shake hands with someone without getting all freaked out and emotional from the skin contact with others. It'll take a while to overcome it, but until then I'm glad people appreciate my personal space.
      "Tris, it's okay. You've been through a lot and it's okay to react the wrong way sometimes. Olivia did too when you saved her. She'll understand," he says quietly, trying to calm me down. It looks uncomfortable watching him trying not to touch my shoulder or hug me in a way of comfort.
      I jump in his arms, wrapping my arms tightly around him, crying on his shoulder. This surprises him at first, so it takes a few seconds for him to realize what's going on and hug me back. He pats my back, speaking softly in my ear, "It will be okay, I promise,"making me cry louder because people have told me that so many times and look to what extent it's gone. But this time I believe him. I don't think it could go worse than what it already has, so I guess the following days will be less bad.
      I haven't had this much 'skin contact' since the kidnapping, and to be truly honest it makes me feel better to have someone by my side, showing me they care. And for he first time since the day they took me, I feel something for him again. Something deep down, the thing that makes me talk to him, not shut him out, hug him, believe him.
        "Thank you," I sniffle and tighten the hug.