Miles to Go (ON HOLD)

1. Dreams

Sang

"I'll be ok tonight, really," I insisted as I watched him lay down the blanket, quickly straightening the corners. "You don't-"

Kota's knowing eyes met my own. "If being in here will help, I don't mind Sang." And I knew he meant it even before he reached for the neatly folded sheet he'd placed at the end of my bed, sending a smile my way. "The guys and I have sleepovers all the time. Think of it like that."

"But-" And there were a thousand of them on my tongue, mostly revolving around Erica and Jess, along with the guys he was referring to. What would they think?

"I'll be fine," he said, dropping a pillow on top of the pallet he'd just made. "It's you I'm worried about," he said softly. The seed of guilt in my stomach grew slightly at his words and I dropped my gaze, studying my hands. I never should have looked, I knew that now. Never should have asked Dr. Green to show me the face of the man that had haunted me. Still haunted me.

I'd hoped that knowing who he was, what he looked like, would alleviate the pain of what had happened, guard my subconscious against the memory, but that first night after seeing McCoy I'd been shaken awake by now familiar emerald eyes. I'd only been half-aware of Kota's whispered words, the relief that colored them equal to my own relief at being awake, finally able to escape the drowning terror of the dream.

That had been two weeks ago. I'd thought they would stop, that these new nightmares would get less frequent with time, but so far if it wasn't one of the Lees waking me up, it was the vise fear trapped my heart in while my subconscious twisted the events of the night I'd met McCoy a hundred different ways.

I'd tried a few things to stop them, and Kota promised to help however he could. He'd mentioned Dr. Green, but I didn't think this was something he needed to be bothered with. And then this morning Kota told me he had a plan, but I didn't know it would involve him sleeping on the floor of my room until five minutes ago.

"Sang." I felt the bed dip slightly as Kota sat down. "If you're uncomfortable we can try something else," he offered. "I don't want to push you into doing this."

I bit my lip, hesitant. The truth of it was there was a selfish part of me that didn't want to send him away. I was desperate to at least try his plan, but I needed him to know he could back out if he wanted to. "Kota, are you sure?" I managed. "I mean, won't Erica mind? And one blanket..."

His smile returned. "Don't worry about my mom," he replied before glancing at the blanket on the ground. "And as far as the blanket, I'll be fine Sang."

I wasn't so sure about either, but I thought over his plan again while we settled in. He thought my dreams were tied to a subconscious fear that what happened with McCoy would happen again. So if he stayed with me, it might let my mind relax enough to at least loosen the talons these nightmares had in me.

I laid still as the darkness settled itself into the corners of the room, battling the moonlight that threaded its way through the cracks in the blinds. I said goodnight to Kota and listened for the pattern of his breathing, trying to keep my thoughts calm.

My mind quickly filled with images from the barbecue today, which I appreciated even being invited to. I'd said as much to Kota earlier and he just shook his head, flashing me a smile I was coming to crave.

I thought of Dr. Green and Mr. Blackbourne, the men supervising the Academy loan program at Ashley Waters as far as I could tell. They were so different, but complemented each other all the same. They'd both been able to come even though they didn't stay long, bringing a large apple pie with them. Gabe had triple-checked its origins before allowing its presence on the table-apparently Dr. Green was still developing his talents in the kitchen.