twenty-six

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[author's note: hey, everyone. i just wanted to say thank you. if you're reading this far, then this book must not suck nearly as much as i think it does. :) thank you so much for reading. it really means a lot.

also, i've already finished this story and i'm working on a sequel. let's hope that one doesn't suck, either. thank you again!!]

Liam was tired of it.

"Why can't you just fucking see what I mean? Do you not care what I feel, or you just don't care about what I'm saying? Do I matter that little to you?"

"You matter so much to me, Li," Zayn said desperately, trying not to let the tears appearing in his eyes fall. Liam had been crying, but he was also yelling, and that was a bad combination. "I just don't want—"

"We are in a relationship, Zayn. A relationship. I'm your boyfriend. I know that bothers you, and I try to ignore it, but I just can't anymore. What makes you think that you can say whatever you want and I'll still be here for you? I'm not some toy that you can just throw around whenever you feel like it."

"Li, I—"

"I know you care about what people think about you. Fine, it doesn't affect me — that's what I think about that. But when it does affect me, when you bring me into it, I can't let it slide. You can't possibly care what other people think more than you care about what I think."

"Please, just listen to me. I'm just not ready."

"I'm not fucking asking you to marry me in front of everyone! We're together, and if anyone has anything to say about that, they can answer to me. Don't you see that if we stay together way past high school, we'll look back on this and you'll think about how stupid you were? We're seniors. These people will be gone from our lives in a matter of months." Liam paused to cross his arms over his chest. "I guess the question now is if you want me in your life in a matter of months."

"Are you... are you breaking up with me?"

"I don't know what I'm doing, Zayn." He picked up his phone and his jacket. "All I know is that I'm leaving. Call me if you decide that I matter more to you than a few homophobes you don't even talk to."

And then he left. Liam drove to Harry's house without thinking much about it. He considered driving to Louis's, but ultimately decided against it. All he could do was wipe the tears from his eyes so he could continue driving and let out sobs every few moments. He hated this. He wished Zayn didn't care.

Liam knocked on the door and nearly sobbed even harder when Harry came into view. What would he even tell him? What would he say to Zayn at school later?

"Liam, hey," Harry said, concerned. "Come in; come in. Do you... do you need anything?"

"I'm sorry," Liam told him, not even thinking before he spoke. "I'm sorry I'm here without warning you but I just couldn't take it anymore. I was going to go to Lou's but I honestly don't feel like dealing with his parents and you were closer, anyhow, and I— I'm sorry."

Harry embraced him tightly, lightly rubbing his back and letting Liam feel as small as he wanted.

"H?" Louis emerged, looking a little worried, before he spotted Liam. "Li! What happened?"

Liam didn't even have time to think about Harry and Louis hanging out. He didn't care. He was just glad to see two of his best friends. Louis knew him even better than Harry did.

"I, um, got in a fight with..." It hurt even saying his name. Why couldn't he just stop caring about what other people thought?

"Zayn?" Louis asked, sounding much kinder than Liam thought he could. Liam sniffled and nodded.

When he pulled away from Harry's grip, Louis hugged him. It was even more familiar than Harry's and it just felt good, to know that his best friend would always be there for him whenever he needed him.

"Want some tea?" Harry asked him, but Liam didn't feel like replying.

"Yeah, tea's always good," Louis answered when Liam didn't. "Always makes everyone feel better," he murmured in an undertone.

"Okay."

"Can I ask what it was about?" Louis asked without moving away.

"The same thing it's always about," Liam said bitterly, his voice slightly muted. "Zayn being ashamed of me and the fact that he's dating me."

"Oh. I'm totally on your side, you know that, but I can understand where he's coming from. He's scared. He's never thought he could maybe be gay before and then you come along and make him change everything. I can see how he might be scared to tell people at school."

"He hasn't even told his mum," Liam said.

"Okay, that's fucked up. You two are almost as close to your mums as Harry is to his. You should both tell them if it's a serious relationship and not just an, 'I might like you but might not' thing."

"Yeah," Liam muttered.

"You do know that he's scared, right, though? To him, there might not be any difference between telling his mum and telling the kids at school."

"I'm not asking him to go around, wearing rainbow shirts that say, 'I have a boyfriend!' or 'I'm gay!' on them. I'm just asking him to, like, maybe hold my hand or kiss me for a second or something. And his mum wouldn't care. She would only care if he was happy. He's just making up worst-case scenarios in his head and putting them between us."

"I know," Louis said reassuringly. "I know, Li. I get what he feels, though. It's hard to suddenly have feelings for someone you never thought you'd have to deal with."

Liam looked to his face questioningly and scrunched his eyebrows when Louis's gaze lingered toward the kitchen.

"What?" He asked.

"I'll tell you later. You and Zayn just both need to cut each other some slack. You need to understand what he means, and he needs to stop giving a shit enough to at least hold hands with you. You're both making a huge deal out of this."

"Here's your tea," Harry said, handing him a mug with a worried expression. "Everything okay?"

"Boyfriend drama," Louis explained. "But we've got it under control; don't we, Li?"

Liam shrugged and gave a weak smile at his best friend as he sipped the tea. "Yeah. I'm good."

"Apparently, I'm a relationship guru," Louis told Harry.

"Isn't that ironic?" Harry grinned. "Relationships with guys are a little bit different from relationships with girls. You both just need to relax and stop putting so much pressure on yourselves. I've been in a relationship with too much pressure before, and it's not pretty. Don't worry too much."

"Thanks, Harry."

Within half an hour, they got Liam feeling good enough to play the video games that Louis'd brought over. The oldest boy stood up when his phone rang and answered it. "Hello?"

"Lou?"

"Z?" Louis walked out of the room. "You're in a load of trouble, man."

He could hear Zayn scoffing. "He already told you?"

"He's over here at Harry's with me."

"Whatever. Forget I ever called. Just forget I ever said anything in the first place."

And then he hung up.

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