Swinging From The Branches ~ Lexyon Perti

Of Love and Hatred ~ Day Seven Part 3

Using the flashlight was a blessing. "Thank you." I say to myself, knowing full well that everyone watching could hear me. I was part of a final four, so close to going home.

As I kicked around the snow and ash, I reminisced about my own experience in the games. 

The first day was so exciting, I could feel my heart leap in my throat. Then came my first kill, Brooke if I recall correctly. Watching the life leave her eyes had been different but I found myself feeling quite giddy at the memory. Then I took Pinnochio's life, it was hard but that was the moment I proved to myself, my family, and the capital that I was a victor. 

What would I give to thank the capital for this opprotunity? For bathing and clothing me like a royal, and for sending me gifts that were worth more than everything in my district. The capital was good to me, I wish that everyone would understand that they are not the bad guys.

Wait a second. Since when was I grateful for the capital? Since when was I excited to take another person's life? You've always been grateful, and who wouldn't love surviving these games? My brain told me, but that can't be right. Something is wrong. My thoughts would not stop as my brain continued to retell the game from this new perspective.

The snow was such a great change, away from the dirty trees and bushes, no more disgusting dirt, no more climbing, no more bark and branches. Now that was a sight for sore eyes. 

What. The. Hell. 

District seven is so boring and dirty, everywhere there is wood, everywhere there are trees. There is no way that is home. Speaking of home, it's a nightmare! How did I manage to live like that for 18 years! Everyone is annoying, Darim never pulls his weight and mom is a criminal!

Oh no. "No, no, no what am I thinking? Stop, stop, stop!" This can't be true, I love my family, I hate the capital. Or, I thought I did. Then my brain surprised me once again and I was on a different subject now, Kai.

What if I injured him too badly? What if I killed him? That would be cruel to his family. Maybe I should go check on him, but how am I going to find him? He is only defending himself and trying to get back to his family, I should have gone easier on him, after all he is younger than me. Poor thing, he must be homesick and this is just a brave front he-

"What is going on with my head!" I yelled out unintentionally. Checking to see if anyone heard my crazy outburst- that was a joke everyone heard that- I was checking whether or not anyone was going to come after me, and was relieved when nobody showed up. I'm going crazy. You're not going crazy, the capital knows you're okay and they are taking care of you.

"What the- I can't even trust my own thoughts anymore!" I said. I was crazy. I'm talking to myself, and the capital has done something to me. They haven't done anything to you Lexyon, remember how nice the food on the train was and how helpful all the staff were, the capital loves you.

"That's it, no more thinking. Strange as it is, I will talk to myself and figure this out." The only problem with this strategy, was that everyone in the country would hear me. But it was all I had for now.

"Okay, first of all, the capital does not love you Lexyon. Look where you are now, there is no way they would love you and send you to your death at the same time. Second of all, you love your family. All of them; mom, dad, Darim, Thomas, there is no way you don't love your own family."

They betrayed you. You're a liability to them, your mother is a criminal because of you.

"Oh for pete's sake stop thinking!" There is no way I am getting any sponsors after this outburst, then again maybe you will because the capi-